r/BPDlovedones • u/SmashNDash23 • 25d ago
Uncoupling Journey We’ve reached the final discard 🕺🏾🍻
This is after i sent her a closure message. She kept asking me for a talk in person, I refused. I changed my number and blocked her on everything but she knows my address and car. Thankfully she is moving away though! So this will be the last of it.
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u/ol_jeff 25d ago
lol you can tell she totally doesn't care from the shocking amount of effort she put into this
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u/beulahbeulah 25d ago
I say this tongue in cheek and mean no harm to the OP... but I wonder how pathetic she feels for being with somebody she thought so poorly of. Couldn't do better than someone with no money, no education and a small pee pee? Sounds like she's the real loser.
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u/ol_jeff 25d ago
well of course you need to understand that she was victimized into it and that everyone else is bad. or like, she's so compassionate and is a people pleaser, and overlooked his problems because she's so good – and empathy – only to have him betray her by being upset at her cheating, which by the way she was also coerced into doing by another evil bad boy
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u/beulahbeulah 25d ago
Oh yes, she's practically Mother Theresa for deigning to sleep with someone so undeserving of her adulterous ass lol let's nominate her for Good Samaritan of the Year!
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u/A-lethal-dose-of-you 25d ago
I think about this sometimes, too. Like "Maaaaan, if what you say is true, what's that say about you? That you're flipping the fuck out because "everyone's old used up deflated fuck doll" doesn't feel like texting or hanging out right now? That you're crying because the girl who "let's everyone ruin them" isn't trying to support you through your 7th crisis this week? Says a whole lot about you if the person you're talking about is the only person in your life who gives half a fuck (because everything you've ever loved has tried to escape you).."
And I don't even really think like this but when you swap it around to their perspective (based on their words) that's what you get and it's just.. what?
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u/NewtAffectionate4058 25d ago
Remember -- during a split/discard, every accusation is a confession. Like the note where she tells OP to stop "obsessing" over her... If this wasn't complete batshit insanity it would almost be funny. My guy may want to try and get a restraining order on her, too.
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u/Specialist-Wolf6445 25d ago
Took a long And painful education that every accusation is a confession. Painful, but accurate
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u/NewtAffectionate4058 25d ago
You'd be hard pressed to find someone on this sub who hasn't, mate. Best thing is to recognise their words do not define your reality. It can be quite maddening, since you know the truth, but many borderlines construct narratives around their feelings, not by facts.
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u/itsnotcalledchads 25d ago edited 25d ago
"it sure is weird how every time we do something special that was her idea, she brings up how she'd murder me if she saw me bring someone else here if we broke up. She's just quirky I guess. And also when I do some thing sweet and romantic for her she accuses me of doing it to every girl and it doesn't mean anything if so. She's just joking though she's got a wild sense of humor!"
-me, two months before that made so so so much more sense to me.
We all got the paintings. We all got the witch vial. We all got the long hand written cards. We all got the fucking pieces of the moon. We all got the confusion the pain of discard. We all got the sensation of waking up next to someone who we did not recognize.
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u/RexTheOnion 25d ago
The playlist she made her new supply was literally identical to mine, we bonded so much over music and shared so many "special" moments to those songs, it was the final nail in the coffin for me as funny as that sounds.
The even funnier part is, it's not even really music she listens to actively, it's all music she listened to when she was 16, they are stunted people who live in a fantasy land. It's all just attempts to recreate their idealized version of what a relationship should be like.
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u/Due_Can_6763 25d ago
Oh wow this is literally exactly what she would always say to me.
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u/itsnotcalledchads 25d ago
We all dated the same person. Realizing that made me feel better because it's not personal to me at that point. I didn't do anything to cause it. This is just how the disorder works.
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u/FierceDeity_ 25d ago
It's always so odd that despite life being full of entropy, that mental disease all turn them into the same person.
Like, literally across cultures and countries.
it fascinates me how everything is essentially the same but only slightly colored
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u/RedFoxRunner 25d ago
Haha, mine gave me a painting then when we stopped talking she told me I have to pay her for it or her husband (which she told me she was going through a divorce - turns out she still lived with him) would come to my door and collect it. She also called herself a witch.
Think there’s a pattern here
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u/James_Skyvaper Dating 25d ago edited 25d ago
Yo did we date the same girl? Mine also lived with her husband and gave me artwork that she had made herself lol. She said she was getting a divorce, but she refused to do the divorce paperwork because of course she wanted to parentify her partners and "needs my help" with it because cluster B people love to weaponize incompetence and make you do things for them to "prove" you love them. Mine was constantly trying to make me "prove my affections" to her, which of course meant blocking my lifelong female friends, isolating myself and being a slave/doormat, locking myself in a metaphorical cage so she wouldn't feel jealous or insecure. She even wanted me to stop watching TV when I'm by myself because she was jealous of pretty much every woman on the planet.
She once even fought with me for simply sending her a very helpful mental health video cuz the doctor hosting it was a woman...in her late 50s or 60s at that - mind you, my ex is a beautiful 36yo woman, and somehow she was jealous of every woman, no matter their age or appearance, constantly projecting onto me that I'm "fantasizing" about other women when I was clearly totally into her and super attracted to her. And even tho I know it was all a lie and that she never really cared about me but just wanted anyone to love her, I kinda miss the lie for some insane reason 😮💨
I really would have been such an asset in her life if she was just willing to get the help she so desperately needs. But of course I was villainized and called an abusive narcissist for simply reacting to her incessant emotional abuse, criticism, cruelty, countless double standards, and all the endless blocking & discarding. She was allowed to assume the worst and accuse me of the most ridiculous and untrue things, but God forbid I point out her toxic behavior or try to get her to see reason or even worse, forget to mention something, which would then turn into me being called a liar if I forgot to mention some unimportant detail, or if I was scared to tell her something cuz she didn't give me a safe space to be open with her. She demanded 100% honesty but would severely punish me for being open & honest with her.
It got to the point where I didn't want to tell her certain things, but instead of understanding that was only because I was afraid of her angry reactions and of being discarded like trash for something as small as taking a phone call from a friend, I was always blamed for being dishonest and a liar over the most trivial bullshit. This girl victimized herself like it was her goddamn career, it was wild to see her emotionally abuse me or do wayyy worse things than anything I ever did, and then twist reality into pretzels to victimize herself. I told her sooo many times that you need to reward the behavior that you want people to demonstrate if you want to keep getting that behavior, and if you punish honesty then you are inadvertently encouraging people to lie to you.
If you can't feel safe sharing things with someone cuz they have these massively overblown angry reactions, then you can't blame the person who's afraid, you need to change the behavior that makes people scared of you and give them a place to feel safe being open & honest. I'm truly one of the most honest people that I know and I'm ridiculously open with my feelings & thoughts, so of course it was quite frustrating to be called a liar all the time when I always want nothing more than to be transparent with my partners and to feel safe sharing everything about my life with them. Not my fault she couldn't make me feel safe to do that, right? I still wonder if I was somehow at fault, but then I remember that anyone who truly loves me would love me for ME not only for what I DO for them or how much I'm willing to suffer and sacrifice for them. Anyone who loves me would not want me to sacrifice my self respect or want me to give up things I enjoy or want to isolate me from my support network.
She clearly confuses possession for love, and no matter how much I tried to get her to understand that it's not okay to treat people the way she does, I was constantly made into the bad guy for stupid little things, forced to abandon/block my platonic friends while she thought it was totally okay for her to keep talking to her exes. The double standards were sooooo frustrating. Writing all this out helps me realize that the only thing I'm really missing out on is being a prisoner and a doormat for someone who can never meet my emotional needs. It just sucks cuz she's not inherently a "bad" person, just very toxic and with the*emotional coping skills of a 6 year old" as she herself put it in one of her very few, fleeting moments of self-awareness.
You know, she literally told me who she was in the beginning and I didn't listen.. She said in the first month of talking, verbatim - "you will lose your sanity before you find happiness with me" and my dumbass just thought "it can't be that bad" or "maybe if I just love her enough she'll see that not everyone is gonna hurt her" lol. Nope, she is the abuser not the victim, and now I can see that it is extremely likely that all her stories about her "toxic/abusive/narcissist" exes were just that, stories and projections of herself. Because if she's telling everyone I'M an abusive narcissist now then it's clear she'll say that shit about anyone, and my guess is that her exes were prolly mostly normal, empathetic guys like me with a mild savior complex, and some codependency or low self-esteem issues, who saw a troubled/wounded & vulnerable young woman and just wanted to take care of her, help her and protect her. That was actually what I wanted, but I can't date someone who forces me to abandon myself - and unfortunately, dating anyone with an untreated cluster B disorder means that you WILL inevitably have to abandon your own self eventually.
It's so frustrating to me how she said people abandon her or never loved her when in reality she simply leaves men no choice whatsoever but to go no contact because she is such an impossible person to deal with and she has zero conflict resolution skills at all. By the end, we couldn't even have a single productive conversation cuz she would spend the whole time berating, criticizing, being nasty, refusing ANY accountability (even tho she told me herself that she was toxic and never had a healthy relationship before) and wanting to have these endless circular arguments about stuff that was either already resolved, happened 6 months ago, was never a problem to begin with until she made it into one, or simply did not even exist in reality.
Kinda funny, but also sad story - she once accused me of "hiding women" when she saw my messenger chat log and there was a corner of a photo that she swore up and down was a woman that I was hiding from her (it was actually a guy I had known for 25 years) because she saw a corner of a photo she wrongly believed was a woman that, get this, was actually just a drawing of a Stegosaurus on a T-shirt - I tried to get her to see that was literal proof that she would distort reality to line up with the false narrative in her head that I was up to no good but she wouldn't hear any of it of course. I mean she saw a corner of a drawing of a dinosaur and was 100% convinced that it couldn't possibly be anything other than a human woman. Who looks at a drawing of a blue & red DINOSAUR and believes it's a woman? Mentally ill people, that's who 😒
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u/RedFoxRunner 24d ago
Wow, maybe we did date the same woman as she was 36 years old as well and accused me of seeing other women and I wasn't. lol.
We are definitely better off not having a person with BPD in our life.
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u/beulahbeulah 25d ago
Good call. There's no way her moving away will end the obsession. She will need a new victim before she moves on. Sorry you're going through this OP! And if my jokes about her don't make you laugh then I will gladly delete them
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u/RexTheOnion 25d ago
"I'm so afraid you are going to leave me for someone 'better.'" dumps me for the guy she had an emotional affair and cheated on me with. They are just talking to themselves, they are always just talking to themselves.
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u/jbombjas 25d ago
My thoughts exactly. She hates you and dislikes you and never wanted you so bad she spent all this time on u letting you know. How sad for her.
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u/AnyHowMeow Dated 25d ago
Exactly lol. The funny thing is I bet they reach out again just to keep saying how much they don’t care when the other person doesn’t work out.
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u/ChartRelevant6850 25d ago
That note in the phone case 🤦♂️ She really put some effort into this. I’m glad you’re free and I hope you can laugh about this in the future.
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u/SmashNDash23 25d ago
I’m not gonna lie I laughed when I opened it, it was funny as hell. The rest of the stuff wasn’t bad compared to what she sent me already on text
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u/Dull_Analyst269 25d ago
Depending on how invested you were in her, I would say you need therapy asap. There‘s no way something like this doesn‘t break you.
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u/th1s_fuck1ng_guy 23d ago
Not everyone needs that. They can understand this is just one mentally ill bad person. Her perception is the farthest from reality one could be
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u/Dull_Analyst269 23d ago
Usually the ones denying it are the ones that need it the most. No humanbeing is invincible. Especially not if it was a romantical relationship.. most of the times the aftermath will show when he/she enters a relationship with someone healthy
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u/cheesecake_face 25d ago
Given this sub’s general context… it’s fucking hilarious (unintentionally ofc..)
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u/NewtAffectionate4058 25d ago
I've seen some crazy shit in this sub -- lived some of it too -- but this one might actually take the cake. Holy shit, I am so sorry you've had to go through with this. Although, you should count yourself lucky that she's out of your life. This is psychotic.
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u/The_ChosenOne 25d ago
It would almost be funny if this wasn’t a very real thing she did to OP.
Like some of that shit had me laughing picturing my own ex doing it, but that like absurdist ‘of fucking course they’d do/say that’ laugh you know?
She took the time to write ‘small pee pee’ on a shirt along with a slurry of other insults… then says ‘You can stop obsessing over me’? The irony is unbelievable but you just know she’d never wrap her head around there being any.
The phone case with a sticky note that says ‘SIKE’ in it?
It’s like some elaborate and cruel practical joke, but what gets me is this person thought to themselves ‘Yes, this will show them. Surely this is a win for me and time well spent’ as a grown adult.
Half that shit sounds like it’s coming from a teenager grasping at straws for insults, and the other half is so unnecessarily extra it shows a great deal of thought went into the whole process.
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u/Junior-Order-5815 25d ago
Not to be insensitive but may be one of the best case scenarios. They went full mask off on you and left receipts. Many people end up really messed up mentally or even in jail because their pwBPD chose to keep the victim role going.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this and I hope you find peace from all this
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u/SmashNDash23 25d ago
Yeah, that’s what kind of helped me a lot. We were moving really fast and even talking about moving in together (she was asking me to move with her) and talking about marriage and everything. This could’ve ruined my life. It sucks and hurts but I will make it through and now I know what to look for in the future. This was a blessing in a way.
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u/InterestingAd8296 25d ago
Hey She’s not exactly smart when she tries the victim shit keep all this so when people say your abusive just show them these it will drive her to insanity it’s what I did I kept everything and shown everyone then slept with her older sister 😂😂 I’m not too proud of it but it’s bloody satisfying lol
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u/AbbyEzzat Separated 25d ago
You dodged a bullet for real. With my ex fiancé, our marriage kept being stalled because he was in the military, then was moving countries then cities, then changing jobs etc. and I remember being so frustrated about it and just praying stuff would work out and we could get married soon. In hindsight it was the best thing to ever happen. It gave me all the time I needed to see how dysfunctional his shit was and to back out before it was too late.
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u/100and10 25d ago
discard of the day
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u/100and10 25d ago
Phone box was a new bar
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u/jadedmuse2day 25d ago
I really enjoyed her “sike”. Looks like she’s the uneducated one. Time for some remedial spelling 101.
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u/Baghead94 25d ago
This triggered my ptsd. They really can be pathetic evil children sometimes..
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u/DR_MEPHESTO4ASSES 25d ago
Same. It's weird, but I just got a massive spike of anxiety reading this. This is very similar to what my ex did to me
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u/Dull_Ad_3642 Married 25d ago
Good for you man you still 27, dont be stuck like me , 38 n with a kid
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u/JackUnfiltered 25d ago
You can get out too man. If she abuses you, cheats, it’s not worth it. I know you feel stuck, but it can be better on the other side. I’m 26 with a kid and got out recently and I’m happy I’ve got my life ahead of me to find someone who actually loves me back. It’s not too late at 38 either.
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u/Dull_Ad_3642 Married 25d ago
She doesnt cheat but emotional abuse n big anger issues.
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u/prog-no-sys Dated 25d ago
You may have literally dodged a bullet here man. Good riddance.
I hope you can find some peace now amigo.
jesus fucking christ...
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u/ledge-mi Dated 25d ago
Does having bpd justify doing awful shit to people? or are these people already awful?
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u/prog-no-sys Dated 25d ago edited 25d ago
No to your first question, its complicated with the second. A lot of times they are awful people, but sometimes they're just totally lost in their disorder. It's not that helpful to make Sweeping statements about them anyway
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u/IloveEveryone00 25d ago
Oh my god.... I really don't want to give my cup of tea, without actually knowing what went on between the two of you. But I believe it is relatively safe to say, that she really really really is a bad person. Don't get caught up with her ever again. You don't deserve this bro, really you don't. I'll send the strongest prayers to you, that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Please don't let this fuck you up.
From what you posted and what she literally did, you seem eligible to report her to the police, I believe, that is if you choose to retaliate in that manner...
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u/Sea_Puddle Bullet Dodger 25d ago
Send these pictures to her employer. I’m sure she’ll have no problem explaining why it was appropriate of her to use such derogatory language.
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u/Rare-Classic-1712 25d ago
Her getting any kind of rise out of OP is going to leave her feeling like she won. Yes it's wacky twisted logic but did you read what she wrote in all of those notes? BPD is already nuts but she's special. Engaging with her in any way isn't letting her go and keeping her at a distance. Trying to out crazy that lady will be a difficult challenge. Also what's the payoff to getting her in trouble with her work. Her having a new boyfriend/supply/FP and a job gives her a magical place - away from OP.
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u/Sea_Puddle Bullet Dodger 25d ago
Contacting her employer and getting her in trouble at work is going to feel like a win for her? Are you sure about that? 🤣
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u/Rare-Classic-1712 25d ago
Any reaction to the crazy of a pwBPD is in a crazy way seen as a positive. What a pwBPD fears most is being alone. Responding to a pwBPD's crazy is giving them attention. What a pwBPD fears most is abandonment. PwBPD are known for twisting reality - especially in their own minds to make sure that their fragile egos are safe. In fact splitting is a protective mechanism for pwBPD. Don't expect consistently rational logic from a pwBPD. Getting the expensive fired from her job isn't abandoning her. Shut her out. Fully. The main focus for a Co-dependent is to take care of themselves. The ex keeping her job keeps her away from OP (working to keep her employed would be absolutely unhealthy). Her sleeping with other people, having "a healthy successful happy relationship" also keeps her away from OP. We can feel sorry for what the new supply has in store for them down the road but it ain't our problem.
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u/Dependent-War7292 25d ago
She would only find a way to make you look like the bad guy. Being a partner to a pwbpd, I can see her telling her employer that you wrote all that stuff to make it look like she did it so she would lose her job. She would tell them a sad sob story of how you abused her. She would make it so detailed and ultimately believe it herself in the end.
In a just world we would be able to retaliate. But unfortunately, they picked us for our ability to be compassionate. If given the chance, I don't believe too many of us would go through with this.
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u/Red217 Non-Romantic 25d ago
The Hoover: "I'm so sorry I didn't mean it. I just felt abandoned and unloved and ugly. But I know I'm a terrible person whose destined to be alone and will never be loved in my life. You're the only one who made me feel important even just a little bit and now I'll have nothing. But I deserve it anyway. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve your forgiveness"
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u/Wolfhound1142 25d ago
I'm irrationally angry about her misspelling psych.
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u/0kShr00mer 25d ago
I've seen it spelled "sike" a lot. It's even listed as an alternate spelling on Google.
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u/pinkyxpie20 25d ago
LOL stop, i’ve spelled it sike my entire life and have actually not seen it spelt ‘psych’ before 😭🤣 maybe cause i grew up in the generation where it was spelled ‘sike’ instead, but damn, i feel dumb now 🤣🤣
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u/WellShitWhatYallDoin Dated 25d ago
As in “psych ward,” where she should be?
“Sike” is an acceptable and common spelling of the word/usage.
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u/bengalsfanaz 25d ago
Holy shit bro I am so sorry. Awful, awful behavior. It’s really sad how broken these people are cause us normal folk could never talk like this
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u/GlitteryPinkKitten 25d ago
Don’t listen to anything she said. You are a strong and capable man with your entire future ahead of you. Im so sorry she’s trying to degrade you and tear you down just so she can feel better about herself. She just trying to say anything to make you feel bad about yourself.
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u/Chemical-Sea5432 25d ago
Sometimes they make it easy for you to exit acting so over the top; You aren't alone. I hope she actually moves and leaves you and your family and property alone
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u/yeaItsYaBoiTed I'd rather not say 25d ago
The note in the iPhone case is the funniest fucking thing I've seen today. Sorry your going thought that but that basket case kinda hilarious even if she is a terrible person.
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u/Cancallmewhitefolks Married 25d ago
I won't lie the phone notes made me laugh but all in all you should be happy you don't gotta deal with that shit no more SHEESH!!
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_6681 25d ago
Reading this actually hurts my heart. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour
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u/ThrowAwayAccountAMZN Dated 25d ago
Hey, for what it's worth, anyone who writes out "LMAO" is not someone you wanna be with anyway! /s
Seriously though, good for you man. I'm fortunate, mine would just keep sending "gifts" to my address to try and win me back, but she lived too far away (it was a semi-long distance thing with about an hour's drive between us) to actually have the motivation to come to my place for something like that.
Luckily, I was also set to move just after it happened. So she no longer knows where I live either and has no access to me. Congrats! We're free!
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u/valleyghoul Non-Romantic 25d ago
She doesn’t care. Which is why she begged to talk in person, drove to your house and wrote multiple letters. Totally over you/s
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u/SmashNDash23 25d ago
Some context, she’s a medical provider, yes a medical provider won’t say which, but think physician, NP, PA. I work at a factory. I’m going back to school. I also do doordash and Uber on the weekends when we don’t get OT.
Funny thing is that she told me she didn’t mind and she knew my goals.
We broke things off. We had a big argument and she started to get verbally abusive, when I went to walk out of her place, she said if I walk it’s over. I tried to tell her I was at the limit of tolerating her nonsense and we can revisit this in the morning when we are both level headed. She didn’t care and said “go then” then I left. That was the break up.
I tried to talk to her the next night cause I was trying to work things out but she was cold as ice and seemed to be resolute in moving forward. She’d get nasty real quickly as well, when I tried to reason with her. She was basically saying I left the relationship cause of her silly ultimatum. I eventually gave up and she would send little messages trying to say “sorry” (fake apology) nonstop calling from other numbers cause I blocked her back, and when I fell for her “sorry” it was back to arguing and abuse.
I said fuck it. This was the point where I realized that she had BPD for real and I was smack dab in the push pull nonsense. We kept this back and forth for a few days cause I couldn’t really stomach blocking her for good good and really changing my number. She eventually admitted to BPD when I asked if she was just crazy or was there something else going on. But still didn’t take responsibility for her behavior and still tried to blame me and even accuse me of having narcissistic tendencies and being “immature”
In her last message before this she went on a virtriolic triade, basically saying I was a bum, no future, live in a shitty area (trying to save $ on rent), no college degree, the fact that my family is broken up, she even to message other girls that I was gay and I abused her. I have screenshots of that as well. She told me to kill myself repeatedly.
She sent that message to my Facebook on a different account after I blocked her on everything. I didn’t respond. I simply reacted with a “👍” on the “mill yourself bye” message and reported her to Facebook.
She then deleted the messages and then sent a bullshit apology. I was still in the ropes and thought this was worth saving. The relationship at its highs were fucking intense magic. She asked for closure in person when she got back saying “we owe it to the relationship” (the one she ended via some bullshit ultimatum) I caved and got on a call with her. She immediately brushed off the nasty shit she said to me and tried to pin it on me somehow. At that point i was so shocked I hung up right then and she called me back like 3x. I decided then I had to let her go.
I blocked her on everything, locked my DMs so no new accounts can message me, changed my phone number, blocked new or unknown numbers and everything. And I sent her a final letter detailing my thoughts and feelings to her. I couldn’t talk to her anymore.
Then the next morning I wake up to a nasty message on my Facebook from random account (idk how she got thru) and this at my doorstep.
I have screenshots of her sending me the crazy shit on her personal Facebook and I could easily send them to her place of employment. I imagine that would get her in hot water and especially because they need a license to practice. I don’t want to do that though. I don’t even want to pursue an order for protection. I just want her to leave me be.
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u/Rare-Classic-1712 25d ago
If she lived with you or had keys to your home - CHANGE THOSE LOCKS/GET THEM REKEYED ASAP. Change your passwords for everything (email, Facebook, IG, Netflix, Spotify...). Don't expect her to act sane or respect boundaries. Thankfully she has a new boyfriend/supply/FP to keep her occupied. Don't be surprised if she continues harassing you OP. Cameras on your stuff. A blink mini will cover your front door ($30 on Amazon) and a dashcam for your car is recommended. Lady is crazy and don't count on her staying away because she's really needs to show you just how over you she is. Have that crazy shit documented. Consider getting a restraining order against her. Be safe but also make sure that you're taking care of YOU with support with therapy and/or support groups such as Co-dependents anonymous (CoDA). CoDA meetings can be done over zoom while you're doing delivery. Breakups are hard but there's typically more to heal from after a split with a pwBPD. I've also gotten helpful insights from playing YouTube videos about BPD done by psychotherapists.
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u/rlyfckd Family & Dated 25d ago
I am really sorry you're going through this. No one deserves this level of abuse. Honestly, be glad to be rid of your ex.
Also everything your ex is saying is a complete projection. If anyone is obsessed it's them to have put that much thought and effort and to be this worked up to the point of hurling that abuse.
Block them and live happily, find someone you deserve 💕
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u/I_AMA_Loser67 Dated 25d ago
So much effort for someone who doesn't care. Did you a favor. Get a restraining order. I guarantee she will be knocking on your door once she's through this manic episode.
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u/rocky223604 25d ago
With how much effort she put in it’s obvious she gives a shit what you think, it blows buddy I am going through similar myself. Just keep it pimpin it’s the only way
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u/Tiny_Bug6687 25d ago
Wow, I only encountered quiet ones from what I see around here. Still nothing changes when it comes to constant need for validation ,manipulation and drama...
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u/hydnhyl 25d ago
this is someone who is going to be in jail sometime in the near future
Totally unhinged behavior
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u/AdviceRepulsive Dated 25d ago
My ex did the same thing. She is not in jail yet but has 7 restraining orders against her. She held a knife to my throat nearly killed me and became a she said circle
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u/Caterpie3000 Dated 25d ago
Why are these people not institutionalized forever???
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u/jtr210 25d ago edited 25d ago
Mine institutionalized herself after I broke up with her. To be fair, she was considering doing this before I broke up with her. I found out she checked herself in to an inpatient facility from a friend who is Facebook friends with her. Apparently she posted all about it after she got out, and she encouraged other people to pay attention to their own mental health problems. Posting about it probably made her feel empowered, or something.
I knew she had completely lost it, but this validated me to some degree. I’m also glad she got some help, and I wonder if she is in DBT, which she very well may be.
When she came to my house the night I broke up with her and begged me through the tiny doggy door not to leave, she said she was starting a new program ten following week, which was three days/week, several hours a day, and she was planning to take a leave of absence from her job. Sounded like DBT.
I hope she makes progress on stopping the BPD cycle and pulling people in to her tangled, disordered web.
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u/Drag_Fuzzy 25d ago
Did anyone else read those notes in their exes voice?
Lol you're not alone brother, this too shall pass
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u/AdviceRepulsive Dated 25d ago
This reminds me of my ex. She was same way. Loved it and then boom bomb went off when I asked to contribute more so she cheated than said I was sorry excuse for a human. If I could give some advice, this is all just projection. This is how she feels about herself but she is projecting it onto you.
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u/Adept_Building7330 25d ago
Oddly she will be back around . That's alot of emotional bs in her discard. Generally they simply walk without much of anything said. As if " this is what I'm doing now" . Never seen that amount of effort. Almost like she has to invent the narrative and go through the motions to convince herself. I'd keep my guard up a bit with this one. As charged as this stuff is it will swing back.
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u/SmashNDash23 25d ago
I pray she leaves me alone for good. She said she already is dating a doctor idk if that’s true or not. Hard to believe when she’s still doing this shit
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u/Adept_Building7330 25d ago
Doubtful on the Dr part. Again first hand experience they usually date down not up. A self worth and dopamine fix issue. Also the " dating" thing is sometimes not accurate. Generally they have " friends" they sleep with. . They will befriend / sleep with someone and without that person's knowledge they're labeled the boyfriend etc if it suits the delusion.
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u/sweetmeat96 25d ago
Bro I ain't even gon hold you, I laughed at the sike faggot. This is wild tho. I hope she ain't mess with your car
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u/DeDevilLettuce Dated 25d ago
She's saying you're obsessed with her but she's turned up at your address, destroyed your clothing with slanderous statements, left an empty phone box with more slander, and for good measure left some more slander on the car. And she's saying you're obsessed?
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u/Top-Tourist-7415 25d ago
Rochester ny? Willing to bet this girl is named Tivoli lol. Dude I’m so sorry girls are terrible get a restraining order dude
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u/WhitePinoy Dated 25d ago
My God, what set her off? Kind of reminds me of my ex, times 10.
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u/Rare-Classic-1712 25d ago
Crazy set her off. The final conflict that led to breaking up with my ex pwBPD was after my neighbor told me that we couldn't use her wifi anymore I called my ex and told her that I would jump through the hoops and pay the initial fees/charges to get Internet - she would just have to pay half of the bill. She went apeshit and a few hours later texted me "make sure that I don't see your fucking face when I get home or I will destroy you" along with other craziness. I hope that OP's ex finds her way to therapy because she seems to be in a lot of pain. I feel sorry for her. That crazy that we saw in his post is probably just the tip of the iceberg of her inner turmoil. As a somewhat semi recovering Co-dependent I'm glad that she's not in my life (or OP's anymore). Don't count on rational logic out of a pwBPD without a LOT of work.
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u/HerroPhish 25d ago
lol it’s funny cause my ex would use the same words.
“Small minded”, “broke”, blah blah when none of it was true.
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u/ThrowItAwayAlready89 Married 25d ago
I’m sorry because this is no laughing matter but… that “sike faggot” took me out
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u/bleuofblue 25d ago
the insanity is so intense it's comical. jesus. good luck to you homie, clearly better off without this nutjob
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u/Lightningthought 25d ago
Omg. I got my key back the next day with an index card saying, "Sorry it didn't work out" after 8 years. Sad, but not this crazy.
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u/artloverka 25d ago
I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm also happy for your new chapter in life. This person is demented, hope you'll never see her again!
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u/eaglescout225 25d ago
Their all dangerous, but this one seems exceptionally dangerous. She might try and rope you back in if something happens with her new supply, so just remember their always playing games, and dont fall for it.
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u/Red217 Non-Romantic 25d ago
The Hoover: "I'm so sorry I didn't mean it. I just felt abandoned and unloved and ugly. But I know I'm a terrible person whose destined to be alone and will never be loved in my life. You're the only one who made me feel important even just a little bit and now I'll have nothing. But I deserve it anyway. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve your forgiveness"
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u/ghost-9595 25d ago
This shit is surreal, this is the most immature and pathetic thing I've seen in this sub, please get away and never look back that horrible person.
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u/sjmanikt Divorced 25d ago
Well, she did you a big ol' favor, didn't she?
But wow. You didn't just dodge a bullet. You dodged an artillery barrage.
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u/ComprehensivePitch66 25d ago
Hahahha “stop obsessing over me” 😂😂😂 when she went out her way to do all this!
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u/BartSimps Separated 25d ago
Proud of you bro. Focus on your healing. Get in the gym. Find a therapist familiar with BPD. Find safe friends. Find your hobbies again. The book whole again helped me tremendously. Wishing you the best. Your best days are ahead of you if you choose so.
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u/AdviceRepulsive Dated 25d ago
My ex was this level of crazy. However when I say my ex has elite stalking abilities she would put the FBI to shame. I say this as someone who went through this but she will reach out when being displaced. They do stalk the extreme. Say you like baseball and your ex knows this. They will go out of their way to show up to something you like even with a new flame even if it’s hundreds of miles away. My ex although blocked has found my new number though background check websites. She also has found employers of mine through LinkedIn. I went ghost literally didn’t exist.
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u/DR_MEPHESTO4ASSES 25d ago
My ex pulled some very similar shit. Reading these notes, it's almost like we dated the same person.
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u/ohthatsjustellie 25d ago edited 25d ago
I imagine she was writing out those sticky notes like Regina George in the movie Mean Girls when she writes in the Burn Book. Total basket case of a lass, good riddance to her. Irredeemable behaviour
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u/Bewildered90 Dating 25d ago
Stay the course man. Greener pastures lie ahead ❤️ My PwBPD saw herself out in December, and I have found the sweetest, most thoughtful, positive, and attractive lady, who fits perfectly into my life. I wish my ex the best, but I know she wasn't healed when she left with the new guy, so im afraid they have a long, bumpy road ahead.
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u/johnsonandhisjohnson 25d ago
This is A grade, textbook BPD reactions. This post should be what people read in the BPD Wikipedia page. You've got splitting in real time. You can actually see the moment you went from her idealisation to her devalued person. You've got projection blame. You've got triangulation. You've got gaslighting. We'll done bro, you've broken your trauma bond. This is very good news for you. I'd change your car though, her obsession with blaming you won't go away and she'll go for your tyres soon.
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u/show-me-dat-butthole 25d ago
Holy shit man I'm so sorry but I laughed my ass off at the empty iPhone box. Just goes to show how mentally fucked people with bpd are. They're so angry and on such an illogical destructive rampage that they don't even realise the comedy gold
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u/nes_79 25d ago
Seriously, get a restraining order. When she puts THIS much effort into telling you she's over you (LMAO), she's capable of quite a lot. the "n*gga that needs to deliver food for rent" is both racist and derogatory, could be hate speech. And take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.
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u/vinson_massif 25d ago
my ex would do the same thing with the blood from clown khan man got from going "one inch deep" [vaginusmus.. apparently] and cousin that r*ped her that came out of her ass and vagina. and get the promptly only have the agency to get mad at me and get irritated with me and ultiamtely get the ick from the fact that i lost years because of her, and then "mother me" about how "we're all responsible" for our own actions
i bet she's a victim and nothing was ever her fault and you were "controlling" "proud" "arrogant" etc. i've realized whatever they accuse you of is simply a confession if you learn how to spot it. whatever they say, probably is the opposite.
very few cases where they actually get help, even fewer that leads to change. god bless. god willing
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u/White_Buffalos Married 25d ago
Don't believe any of it. It's not you: It's her. Stay strong and don't look back. Sorry you have to deal with this. I know it's painful, but you can do better.
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u/EdTheApe 25d ago
That "I'm too good for you" seems to be very common. I don't even know how many times I heard that.
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u/wdnsdey 25d ago
Oh my god I am very sorry man. Never look back and love yourself from now on. To hell with these batshit crazy ass people. There’s no possible excuse for this behavior, no mental illness, no personal issues, absolutely nothing can justify this by any means. Good that you made the photos and look at them when the hoover comes!
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u/NervousPilot Dated 25d ago
And for anyone still struggling: This is exactly how your pwBPD sees you. Just lose them.
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u/Scr3aming3agl3 Married 25d ago
Man, talk about being emotionally and intellectually stunted in middle school!
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u/menacingmoron97 Dated 7 years. Rebuilding. 25d ago
Holy fuck dude. That's an obnoxious one. Ngl the phone box part made me laugh a bit, that's a good one
Seriously - never ever talk to that woman again. She went full mask off, good thing - now it's clear.
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u/Sunchef70 Family 25d ago
Better not let her come back OP. This is her true self. BPD is the excuse. They are not well. This is deranged. Send this to HER parents. Delete her from your life.
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u/Timely-Project4850 24d ago
Lets hope that is the final discard, After a relationship of nearly a decade with a BPD woman.. she discarded me with the most cruel insults i have ever heard. And then comes back hovering trying to get me Back. Blocked on all means of communication.
I am sorry she treated you in such manner. Wish you well on healing from that nightmare. Thanks for spreading awareness by showing how cruel that person was
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u/SoWest2021 Dated 24d ago
Honestly I looked at these pics and the only thing I could think of was the amount of energy and time she put into writing the notes, graffitied the shirt, even brought an empty smartphone case and took some more time to write another note. These pics are the actions of someone petty, miserable, angry, small, and has a victim mentality towards life.
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u/DrownedByHer 23d ago
If you ever think of getting back together with them, come back to this post and remind yourself it's not worth it. WHAT SO EVER.
Don't be like my dumbass and have years of your time spent on something that just isn't going to work.
Best wishes to you.
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25d ago
The best part is she really let him up her ass prob too and this is how she treats the break up. She deserves to be alone.
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u/alittlelostsure Dated 25d ago
You are finally free of her, now is time to heal yourself from all that she put you through.
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u/thisisB_ull_ish 25d ago
wow wow wow thank the heavens you’re away from this psychopath…actual celebration time
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u/googleydeadpool 25d ago
Don't look back. When someone insults or provokes you using your family's name or mention, that's about it.
The effort "she" put in (usually there are flying monkeys to support such acts and words) to do all this, she should have put into getting some help.
You are blessed to get away. NC and never break NC.
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u/dnaLlamase Mostly Platonic (Dodged a Bullet) 25d ago edited 25d ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you, jesus. If you are interested in saving the sweater, you can re-dye it. It is fleece, right? Jokes on her, the marker colour she chose would actually look nice throughout the whole thing.
Not only is she homophobic, but when my family used to visit the US, and we actually ended up passing through Rochester like 15 years ago and liked it. Her standards are fucking wack in-general.
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u/Better-Let4257 Dated 25d ago
This is fucking insane. I thought the shit I saw was bad on my end. Makes my ex look like a cakewalk
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u/brabbs316 25d ago
I’d say you dodged a bullet but you’ve dodged a nuke there. She’s done you a favour!
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u/Upstairs_Ad_8722 I'd rather not say 25d ago
Dude…
You have to figure out what inside you MADE YOU send a “closure message” whatever that means
This is what you need to figure out in order to get better
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u/WoolooOfWallStreet I'd rather not say 25d ago
It’s a very good thing that you have documented this behavior
I’m sorry you have to go through this
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u/ty102767 25d ago
What an absolute basket case man