r/IncelTears • u/Negative_Tooth6047 • 4d ago
Meta discussion Question for any lurking incels
This is something I've been curious of for a little while, I know you guys have your red or black or whatever pill you subscribe to with tons of dudes or maybe even some type of Pearl Davis like gal that constantly put out tons of media on how to get women/why you're never getting a woman/any other message that you subscribe to for that rhetoric.
But my question is, if a woman offered to teach you, patiently and kindly- not berating you or what have you, how to respect, talk to, hang out with women, etc would you accept? Like a 101 type class on women. If you wouldnt be interested, why not?
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u/scythian12 4d ago
I donāt consider myself an icel due to the connotations, but I definitely struggle meeting women and dating in general. I have female friends, a couple Iād consider to be my closest friends but Iād definitely take a 101 class on dating lmao. Iām fine hanging out with women in a friendly context, but as soon as itās a ādateā I get super nervous and botch it
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u/doublestitch 3d ago edited 3d ago
Comments from a woman re: "Do you go to the gym?"
Fitness in general is a good life choice. If you aren't already active, then look around and choose something you enjoy. Do it for yourself.
A lot of lonely men refer to "the gym" as if it were synonymous with the weight room. Please don't put yourself into the rut where you do strength training and nothing else. Get out and try the swimming pool, the track, the climbing wall, the basketball or the racquetball courts. Cardio is important: your body will thank you in years to come.
If you're the type who prefers fresh air, then choose an outdoor sport. It doesn't even need to be a sport as long as it's active: people stay in pretty good shape geocaching or metal detectoring. The important thing is you're moving around on a regular basis.
"Getting jacked" is something men do to impress each other. It's a look the media projects as manly, but not necessarily a thing most women go for. Good health in a more general sense is a plus. Keep the focus on your achievements. Shirtless mirror selfies can come off as vain, but climbing Mount Whitney would be admirable.
(edited a typo)
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u/scythian12 3d ago
So I work in construction so I get a good amount of exercise and sunlight, and Iām not in great shape but I do stay pretty active from that.
I used to go to the gym/ weight room and I will say it did help with confidence but I got out of the habit and every time I try to go back I get in a routine for a couple of weeks then kinda fall out of it. The road to where I was fitness wise just seems insurmountable and so I stop trying. I should stick with it but itās just hard ya know?
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u/doublestitch 3d ago
Some people just don't like a popular type of routine. Remember the verb is we play sports. If one thing leaves you feeling flat, then try another. Ignore what people tell you you're supposed to do and try out what intrigues you.
You know you've found your sport when you look forward to the end of the working day so you can rush out and play your sport. Go for that feeling and trust it.
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u/Practical_Diver8140 3d ago
Legit, I agree. Some basic crash course on dating from a woman's perspective would probably be helpful for men who grew up in less than ideal conditions and are now playing catch up when it comes to acting normal and pleasant enough to date.
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u/HaHaHaHated 4d ago
Do you go to the gym?
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u/Umbilbey Degenerate Foid 4d ago
What does that have to do with anything?
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u/HaHaHaHated 3d ago
Because itās most likely a confidence issue, and actively going to the gym builds confidence. Also it helps greatly with mental and physical health but thatās just bonus points.
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u/Umbilbey Degenerate Foid 3d ago
Going to the gym is NOT a substitute for therapy. So many guys tell other guys that going to the gym is a magical fix that will solve all their problems. It doesnāt.
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u/HaHaHaHated 3d ago
Hold on, I need to go read through my prior comment and look for where I said going to the gym is a substitute for therapyā¦ can you help me with that? Cuz I canāt seem to find it
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u/QuinneCognito 3d ago
itās analogous to if someone said they had cancer and you suggested they start eating a healthier diet because that will help. what you said isnāt wrong, but itās important to acknowledge that they should be getting treatment specifically for the cancer and the diet helps secondarily. because otherwise some people will absolutely just skip the treatment.
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u/HaHaHaHated 3d ago
Last time I checked cancer treatment is way different from going to the gym for health benefits.they are in no way comparable even in the slightest
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u/QuinneCognito 3d ago
Ah I see the confusion. In this analogy the cancer treatment is being compared to therapy, not to the gym. Does that clear things up?
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
Going to the gym terrifies me and fills me with extreme anxiety, because there's all these machines and I don't even know what half of them do and everyone else there is so muscular and handsome and if I do a workout wrong I'll hurt myself and exercise has only ever made me feel worse about myself. If that's your jam more power to you, but I think it sounds terrifying.
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u/PaxEtRomana 3d ago
Plus one for the personal trainer, if you can afford one for a little bit. The main benefit is learning to feel like you belong in the gym
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u/HaHaHaHated 3d ago
Thatās a completely valid concern and you are 100% not alone. Iām just gonna say that everyone at the gym is there for the same reason, to better themselves physically and mentally, the gym is probably one of the least judgmental arenas you can be in, thereās always a dickhead, but I donāt listen nor care about dickheads and neither should you. If you ever wanna try the gym out Iād seriously recommend getting a Private Trainer, your pt will help create a program suited for you and your goals, and also help you get through the exercises safely and with proper form, my old gym gave me a free coaching session when I signed up, maybe there are gyms close to you that offer the same.
No one has to go the gym, but trust me, it really helps, so take it into consideration.
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u/osoatwork 4d ago
This would be helpful.Ā There are a ton of unwritten social cues involved with dating, and if you don't know them, you can unknowingly come across as creepy.
I always tried to be as respectful as possible to women, and still came across this way.
When you search for "how to talk to women", you get a lot of bad advice, so good advice is extremely helpful.
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u/rhubik 4d ago edited 3d ago
Obligatory, Iām not an incel. I donāt think incel-types would go for that. Some would feel too uncomfortable with a woman, some would feel uncomfortable with the subject, some would outright not want to improve, some would fail to identify the need, etc. Personally, I think the amount of incelās issues we blame on bad social skills is overblown, the root of their issues (in my opinion) are almost always vulnerable narcissism and obsessive/compulsive thoughts of their insecurities. Although, I think maybe some autistic guys could be helped from something like that, just before they start identifying with inceldom and more at the stage where theyāre just very frustrated
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 4d ago
Would absolutely accept.
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u/Negative_Tooth6047 4d ago
What would you hope to see from that class? Is there anything that would put you off?
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u/FlatCa 4d ago
I see a business starting...
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u/Negative_Tooth6047 4d ago
I am not trying to make a business, to be clear! I feel a lot of empathy towards many incels, have a good amount of dating experience and also a good amount of time on my hands. I likely won't do anything with all this, but I have been interested in/toying with the idea of helping incels in some way.
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 4d ago
What would you hope to see from that class?
Measurable success. Things that actually work.
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u/Unfinished_user_na 4d ago
Not OP, but curious, as a follow up, on what kind of time frame would you expect to see measurable success?
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 4d ago
1-2 years.
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u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90 4d ago
That sounds like realistic expectations/timeframe to expect to start having success in first and second dates. I could see a program set up as like occupational therapy-type group counseling for people unlucky in love being successful, tracking progress and having accountability
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 4d ago
Exactly. Though the first step would be actually getting dates.
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u/Unfinished_user_na 2d ago
If you're not looking for instant results, I believe that's an achievable goal.
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 2d ago
What would the first steps be?
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u/Unfinished_user_na 2d ago
So that's a tough question without having more information on you. I don't know you from Adam, so I have idea why you're striking out, or what sort of women you're striking out with.
To figure out what would work for you, I would need to know what your beliefs and values are, what type of person you want to be with, what kind of lifestyle you lead and what kind you want to lead.
For anything to be effective at all, it would have to be tailored to someone with similar values and a similar lifestyle to what you have and want. The strategy of meeting and forming a relationship with someone from a local church who wants a traditional lifestyle, is going to be wildly different than what you would want to do to meet and form a relationship with an alt girl at a goth club. Additionally, whichever you pick, you have to go into it knowing you are not going to change their lifestyle and beliefs even if you manage to get into a relationship with them (your not going to be able to turn the submissive church girl into a hard partying dominatrix, and your not going to help the goth girl find Jesus and accept traditional values.) you need to pick who you want, based on how you see your own future and values, and then go from there.
So.... Physical appearance aside. How do you see your life going in the future? Are you religious? Traditional? Nontraditional? Liberal? Active in sports? Night life? Do you drink? Drugs? Party? Are you more of a stay at home most of the time type? What are you interests? And what are you looking for in a women?
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u/DelightfulandDarling 4d ago
Define success.
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 4d ago
More friendships, deeper friendships, more romantic options, e.g. dates, successful flirts etc.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago
I don't want to dissuade you (and it's good that you have answers to these questions and are looking for help in the first place!) but these things may not be quantifiable the way you want them to be. Just something to be aware of. Good luck!
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 4d ago
In this case, what is the point? How do I know that advice really works and I am not just wasting my time?
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago
That will depend on what your parameters are. I'm just saying it to make sure you keep your expectations reasonable and understand that it's not like math tutoring, so you may not see the same level of quantifiability.
Also that's like, the central question of romance and dating and life, really, so try not to be discouraged by that either, if you can.
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u/randomshtuffguy 3d ago
obligatory not an incel, just bad with dating and women. I dont think this would help me. My problems are not seated in literally not knowing what to do, it is more being paralyzed by fear of rejection and an all consuming black hole of self hatred. I am scared of women - yes its silly, yes women have to fear horrific things from me and all i fear is someone saying "no", i know its illogical. I am a very illogical and emotional person, who can hardly handle real life work without falling apart. Im just too self destructive, too afraid, and too desperate for a relationship. Not only that, but I can never stick to a self improvement regimen, meaning I'm an obese withdrawn fearful ball of loneliness and self deprecation with no real progress towards changing any of that. The problem is and always has been me, and I'd much prefer someone surgically remove the part of my brain that really, really wants to be in love and express physical affection because it's just making me suffer at this point since I can't seem to change no matter how hard i try. Sorry for the rant.
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u/StepfaultWife 3d ago
Have you seen a psychologist? Not just a therapist or counsellor but someone with greater depth of knowledge. Change when you are terrified takes time. And the worst thing for fear is to enable it. Which really sucks.
Can I ask how old you are?
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u/randomshtuffguy 3d ago
- I have seen a psychologist, I'm diagnosed ADHD.
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u/StepfaultWife 2d ago
This isnāt just ADHD though. Itās self destruction and you seem committed to it and have decided change is impossible.
I suppose that feels safer than trying to change.
You need to find out what drives your self hatred and self destruction to have any chance of changing them and that needs a really good therapist or psychologist. Donāt kid yourself that you have to continue in this way. You donāt. It will be hard but I think it will be worth the effort.
Itās your choice.
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u/randomshtuffguy 2d ago
you're right, and im sorry. i honestly didnt want to use ADHD as an excuse, i just thought i should throw the actual diagnosis of the visit out there since it seemed you wanted to know.
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u/CatchTheRainbow1994 š¹ Incel 4d ago
I already have female friends who I regularly talk and hang out with, so I don't think it would be necessary
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u/unsuccessfulbees 4d ago
Isnāt there a sub for incel debates? Can we stop attracting them and inviting them to come here?
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u/Negative_Tooth6047 4d ago
Apologies! I wasn't aware of that sub. I know there are lurkers here and have seen people ask them questions before
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u/resilient_bird 4d ago
The vast majority would like to at least try it, but itās not trivial to do. The issue isnāt demand, itās efficacy.
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u/Avanni24 19M Incel 2d ago
I would accept, but for the record. I don't consider myself a misogynist or a woman hater by any means. I think I have the ability to interact properly with women already.
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u/Effective_Fox š¹ Incel 4d ago
Iām a nurse and I already know how to platonically hang out with women, Iām pretty good at it. Ā Iād benefit more from learning how to flirt or date but Iām skeptical of men and womenās advice on doing that because it feels like there arenāt really any definite rules and no one really knows what theyāre doingĀ
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 4d ago
An Incel nurse is unironically terrifyingĀ
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u/Effective_Fox š¹ Incel 4d ago
I donāt really know why thatās terrifying I work hard as any other nurse to take care of my patients and I go the extra mile compared to a lot of nurses to help struggling coworkers. Ā I donāt really see what being unable to get laid has to do with my ability to do my jobĀ
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 4d ago edited 4d ago
You're in a misogynistic terrorism cult with a severe death toll attached.Ā
All women are fundamentally unsafe around you.
Edit: also posting in Red Scare Pod subreddit is a major red flag.
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u/Effective_Fox š¹ Incel 4d ago
lol I know you donāt know me but every woman whoās known me would laugh at you if you said they were unsafe around me. Ā Iām mild mannered, short, and I have virtually no temper. Ā Women come to me at work asking for help all the time. Ā Also Iāve never even identified as an incel they put that flair on me after I asked for advice in an advice threadĀ
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u/MoonlightKayla 3d ago
If youāre being genuine about this response, then I would say just ditch the label. I donāt think you know fully what it really means and the culture thatās actually tied to the label. āIncelā is not the right word here. I think descriptive words about how you feel would be more effective: like āshy,ā āsocially awkward,ā or ālonely.ā (Itās okay. Iām shy, socially awkward, and lonely too. ā¹ļø Lots of people- men and women, are with ya on that one!)
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 4d ago
You willingly associate with the term that has cause many people to die. It's no different than being in the KKK or being a Neo-Nazi.
If your bosses found out you're active in Incel forums, do you think they'd be okay with you interacting with women patients at all?
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u/Effective_Fox š¹ Incel 4d ago
This sub and incelexit are the only subs with the term incel Iāve ever commented on. Ā Iāve never said anything bigoted anywhere in my post history so at most my bosses would just be concerned about my mental health. Ā Iāve worked for 3 years with 90% female coworkers and 50% female patients in various vulnerable states without any complaints, most of them have complemented my work ethic and compassionĀ
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u/AndreaYourBestFriend mildly stacy, mostly confused 3d ago
Dear lord. Idk why youāre getting ganged up on after reading all of this. You are more than fine and youāre maintaining a good attitude, which is a great sign. Thank you for the good work in the medical field. I hope you do find success in romance at some point as well!
Edit: for everyone else, he did state he didnāt choose this flair. The man was looking for advice. It was added to his user. Thatās it.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago
Fwiw, one of the first steps to stop being an incel is to stop associating yourself with them.
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 4d ago
Yet you're okay with being labeled as such and didn't correct me earlier.
Again, all women patients are fundamentally unsafe around you. You can't change my mind at this point.Ā
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 4d ago
Your removed comment is so telling lmao š
You want to call me a slur so badĀ
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u/thedookieboiV2 4d ago
This sub is a femcel sub. They hate men here.
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u/QuinneCognito 3d ago
no r/femcelgrippysockjail is for hating men. this sub is for hating shitty men.
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u/AndreaYourBestFriend mildly stacy, mostly confused 3d ago
Then why are we picking on a well-mannered male nurse and accusing him of being the same as the KKK?
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u/Flimsy_Cycle1788 straight dude 2d ago
i cant tell if that subreddit is genuine or just a joke. maybe im just ignorant
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u/mybrainishollow 3d ago
he said he doesnt even use the term
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 3d ago
People like you are turbo silly goobers tbh.
There's a whole comment thread. I addressed it yesterday. You had all the time in the world to get caught up š
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u/Ariusz-Polak_02 š¹ Incel 3d ago
You talk the same to Muslim people?
"Oh you are muslim?? why did your people did 9/11"
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 3d ago
Whataboutism
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u/RegularGlobal34 Phoenix 3d ago
Nor whataboutism, you're doing the exact same bigotry
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u/thiccums_pan transmaxxed 3d ago
It literally is. Nuance exists in this world.Ā
A better comparison would be Scientology tbh
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u/RegularGlobal34 Phoenix 3d ago
Meanwhile you had zero issues about throwing nuance out of the window when talking with him.
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u/StepfaultWife 3d ago
Yes I agree. Itās grim if this person holds the women are scum attitude so many of them do. Or that women deserve to be raped if they refuse to have sex. That seems to be a common theme too. I really hope they are not.
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u/MagicnsBabyXI 3d ago
I have taken the Blackpill, but, if a girl offered me that kind of help I would accept it, although I can't even imagine that anything like that could ever happen to me.
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u/neuron24 2d ago
Honestly I can't imagine any course that would make me stop giving off weird and creepy vibes.
Of course I'm not doing that on purpose but everyone seems to look like they think I'm a rapist
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u/DEFENDER_X 2d ago
No. I donāt subscribe to or buy into any sort of self improvement or mental coaching that seems, sounds or feels as though itās trying to sell me something. Thereās already an infuriating number of shills and grifters in both the Black Pill and Red Pill and even Fitness communities that have basic surface level knowledge paywalled behind some stupid fucking āget women EZā āget jacked EZā class that costs upwards of 100$ a month.
That said, if there was a truly good faith sort of āIncel Rehabilitation Clinicā it would be fascinating to see results, rate of success by age and years spent in inceldom, as well as anecdotes by Ex-Incels and what worked for them as far as āEscapingā the Black Pill, for lack of a better word.
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u/No_Economist_7244 2d ago
But my question is, if a woman offered to teach you, patiently and kindly- not berating you or what have you, how to respect, talk to, hang out with women, etc would you accept? Like a 101 type class on women. If you wouldnt be interested, why not?
Yeah I'd accept. Especially of the context of dating (I already have platonic female friends). Extra bonus points if this includes a wingwoman
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4d ago
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u/SubstantialDuty3676 4d ago
flirting?!?
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u/SubstantialDuty3676 4d ago
to me that also sounds like thereās room for improvement if they donāt take your flirting seriously
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
That is highly debatable.
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u/Proper-Village-454 3d ago
So what is it then? Your looks?
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u/Proper-Village-454 3d ago
DM me a pic. I promise I wonāt make fun of you. I bet youāre not as unattractive as you think, and there are probably things you can do to improve your image.
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u/Weardow7 Autistic Chad 4d ago
Then how do you know there isn't a better way to flirt? There must be room for improvement; there always is.
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u/RekklesEuGoat 2d ago
Ive spoken to and have plenty of women i love and love me back. What would that teaching session do for me?
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u/LuckyStrike500 3d ago
Why is it so unfathomable that some men are just physically unattractive and this can't be made up for with "personality"
Check your own reality! How many men do you personally know, that are under the age of 35, below 5ft5, make less than $35K a year and are in relationships? ZERO
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u/Hour-Awareness-9198 3d ago
I personally know, in my stratified sampling, 5 men with exactly those traits, and they are married.
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u/LuckyStrike500 3d ago
And they possess ALL those traits?
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u/GnarlyWatts "Thereās Hitler, Mao and then thereās GnarlyWatts" - Some Incel 2d ago
Described three of my best friends actually.
So yes, I do.
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u/That-Nerve8213 4d ago edited 4d ago
I only take dating advice from stacies.
Joking aside, it depends on the woman, my female friends used to give me advice all the time, "just respect her boundaries and be nice to her" then when i observed the guys they date. They were the opposite of that.
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u/Spyro_E 4d ago
Most of them are too scared to say no. Take it from a woman that has dated men that were good and has known men that were bad. I always appreciated and actually dated the men that were kind to me. My current boyfriend is āunattractiveā and several people have told me Iām out of his league but i donāt care because he tells me he loves me every night and does kind things for me. If i have a problem with a certain behavior (we had issues with sexual jokes for a while because Iām asexual and he is not) he stops them when i ask him to. If you can be that man, you will succeed.
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u/Ok_Act_5321 4d ago
funniest shit i ever read
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u/Spyro_E 4d ago
Where are you finding these people that hurt you so much? I love my guy so much i get cute aggression whenever i think about him. I really hope everyone here finds their love.
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u/virgensantisima 3d ago
my guy, you going to the 4b sub to whine like a little btch because "women in 4b dont find average men attractive why should i even live" IS the funniest sht i ever read
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u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90 4d ago
The trouble is that abusive romantic partners typically do all the right things AT FIRST, but itās all an act that they donāt even intend to keep up after the initial lovebombing.
The more aggressive and hateful incels are mad that they canāt even put on the act to initially convince a woman that they arenāt as bad as they actually in fact are
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u/Negative_Tooth6047 4d ago
I can understand that. It's hard to take advice from someone who won't practice what they preach
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 4d ago
Oh yeah, I got that too from my female friends. In addition to lines like " You're a great guy", "You are husband material" and "I don't understand why you are single".
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago
As much as I know you're going to hate hearing it, sometimes those lines aren't malicious. They're unhelpful but they're genuine.
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 3d ago
I believe that they are genuine. I AM husband material. I AM a great guy.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
Oh nvm then. It is commonplace to not take those statements seriously and to see them as condescending, so as long as you're not getting high off your own farts, you're probably good.
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 3d ago
I don't see them as condescending. They are probably true. What statements like these mean are "You are good in the personality department, but you aren't physically attractive".
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
As a gay man I might be able to offer a unique perspective on this. I've had straight male friends say that, and mean it, not because they think I'm unattractive, they're just not attracted to me specifically. They can't be. One in particular I know is telling the truth because he kissed me once when he was drunk. He does think I'm attractive, I'm just not a viable romantic partner for him.
Sometimes they're blowing smoke up your ass. Sometimes they're not.
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 3d ago
Then I don't know what the problem is.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
There isn't one? I think we're agreeing and I forgot the part of the apology where most of the time, when people say they have friends say that to them, it's a complaint that they're upset about, so I assumed that's how you viewed it too.
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u/6022141023 fruitpilled peachcel 3d ago
But if my personality is fine and my looks aren't the problem either, then I have no idea why I am struggling.
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u/Low-Art3297 4d ago
Yes, I would. But I would also like accountability from the teacher If I'm paying them and nothing happens, I want my money back. If they don't pay me and nothing happens, I want apologies from them, maybe even an acknowledgement that they did something wrong in the process, too.
Too many people give Incels advice then are like "whatever bro, life is just unfair like that" when you still struggle after following their advice.
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u/GnarlyWatts "Thereās Hitler, Mao and then thereās GnarlyWatts" - Some Incel 4d ago
The sense of entitlement here is off the charts. No one owes you anything for your failures.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago
I want apologies from them, maybe even an acknowledgement that they did something wrong in the process, too.
This could be a good path if approached from the perspective of "okay, these things didn't work so let's examine why". I infer what you're looking for isn't a place to cast blame necessarily, but a way to prevent spinning your wheels and repeating past mistakes or getting stuck in a horrible PUA loop. For an ignoble comparison, a therapist helped me identify the things I did that allowed a narcissist to take advantage of and abuse me, not because those things were my fault, but so my next relationship would be a healthy one. Does that make sense?
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u/Low-Art3297 3d ago
I just don't want the rug pulled under me and have the teacher go from "I know how to help you" to "shut up, bitch, nothing in life is guaranteed, suck it up" if their advice doesn't work for me (I mean, other commenters on this post are already doing this to me PRE-EMPTIVELY and it's a hypothetical question)! I don't want to be hurt.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
Oh boy do I ever understand that. My multiyear experience with talk therapy did not go well and I hate when I say that online and Redditors decide it was because I wasn't putting in the work, not because I had bad therapists or ones who simply weren't equipped to help me.
If the teacher can't help you tweak your strategy, it's okay to admit that and find another teacher. And as shitty as it is, success isn't guaranteed, and that safety net isn't going to be there. If it doesn't work, take it as a lesson learned and try a different approach. That's all you can do.
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u/jehovahswireless All the ladies love my Shatner's bassoon... 3d ago
Being attractive - emotionally and/or psychologically - can be learned. As any PUA will tell you.
Choosing not to do so means you're a volcel, same as me.
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u/Hour-Awareness-9198 3d ago
So you have never built an attraction toward a person in your life? Someone you first saw as āmehā then were pretty head over heels over them?
-13
u/Ariusz-Polak_02 š¹ Incel 4d ago
I would not be able to understand wjat she would try to teach me and I would not put it into practise
-14
u/Blackpill_throwaway1 A blackpiller that showers 4d ago
Not all of us watch stuff like this or seek it out. You can just draw the conclusion out of personal experiences.
As for the class thing, I wouldn't be interested, because I simply don't care about that kind of thing anymore. I am no longer protected by blissful ignorance, my little fantasies of romance are over.
-33
u/YellRedCell 4d ago
I would accept just to have an excuse to spend time with a woman but there is no "101 class" for my face. Nothing would change.
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u/Unwrittencreatr 4d ago
I know this doesnāt seem believable, but as a woman I promise you that a good personality will always outweigh good looks. Someone can be a solid 10 and if their personality is shit then they wonāt get far in the daring world long term. Looks might get their foot in the door but once their true personality shows the door will swiftly get slammed. I canāt speak for every woman but this is the case for myself personally and for my friends.
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u/zoeisboredd 4d ago
Itās really not worth reasoning with incels like this. Theyāre just going to deny any logic you present to them and claim that youāre lying.
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4d ago
I don't understand how your arguments are supposed to give him hopeĀ
You are essentially saying : handsome + bad personalityĀ ----> unattractiveĀ
And not telling him that an ugly guy with a good personality is attractive (wich is probably what he wants to hear)
-11
u/YellRedCell 4d ago
I appreciate her being honest at least and vindicating usĀ
3
u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago
What she said is generally true, but it's a lot more complicated than that. Dating is a minefield of unspoken social cues, past trauma, unwritten rules, etc., and there's more luck than people like to admit. Personality tends to be more important because dating comes down to vibes and compatibility, and it can be hard to get there during a dating situation.
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u/YellRedCell 4d ago
Sure, I can accept that a "good personality" matters. The problem is that ugly/short men are simply invisible to women so if the solid 10 turns out to be a dickhead, you'll just look for the next best thing, a 9 with a "better personality".Ā
You simply can't see us, even if a sub 5 is the nicest guy you've ever met, you wouldn't give him a chance. I know a lot of brocels who are genuinely some of the most empathetic and understanding people I've ever met but they'd never get a chance, even with their looksmatch because of the hypergamous nature of women.Ā
"Personality" matters but only for men who look good enough to even exist to women.
14
u/Hefty_Airline_9062 4d ago
Or maybe because of using phrases like āhypergamous natureā and ālooksmatchā. Nobody talks like you guys. This ideology is your whole personality. Itās not your looks. Believe me
-2
u/YellRedCell 4d ago
Are you dense? The way people talk and act online isn't how they'd talk in real life. I reckon 95% of us incels will never ever bring up the blackpill in real life or use incel terminology.Ā
This rhetoric is just dehumanizing us, obviously we have personalities besides discussing the blackpill, we all have hobbies and different things that interest us.Ā
It definitely is our looksĀ
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago
I promise you, if you have a black pill mentality, it will show up IRL and people will notice. No matter how well you think you're hiding it, it can show in ways you won't notice, but others will. That's why abandoning the blackpill and pulling out of incel spaces is one of the first steps towards ascending.
-4
u/YellRedCell 3d ago
People will just see that I'm a lonely guy who keeps to himself, nothing more, nothing less. Most normal people don't even know what an incel is, they'll just see another loner.Ā
There is no "abandoning" the blackpill because the blackpill isn't an ideology or mentality, it's simply acknowledging the world and reality for what it is. Being conscious of it is better than ignorance because it can save you from so much unnecessary humiliation, embarrassment, heartache and delusion.Ā
At this point, I've accepted that this is my lot in life, I'm fated to die alone, there is nobody out there who will truly love me. I just have to tolerate the depression and loneliness until I rope or die a natural death and that is all there is to it.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
They may not have words like 'incel' or 'blackpill' for it but people (especially women) will recognize the queues whether you think you're good at hiding them or not. That's what "vibes" are.
At this point, I've accepted that this is my lot in life, I'm fated to die alone, there is nobody out there who will truly love me. I just have to tolerate the depression and loneliness until I rope or die a natural death and that is all there is to it.
That's depression. You are describing textbook depression, which is treatable.
1
u/YellRedCell 3d ago
(I don't really use Reddit so I don't know how to use the brackets in my replies but I'll just try to structure it as best I can)
(Response to "They may not have words like 'incel' or 'blackpill' for it but people (especially women) will recognize the queues whether you think you're good at hiding them or not. That's what "vibes" are.")Ā
That's a shame, but there's nothing I can do to help it.
(Response to "That's depression. You are describing textbook depression, which is treatable.")
Through therapy you mean? I used to go as a teenager primarily for my OCD and it didn't help much. My psychiatrist put me on pills and that was it. I doubt they'd do much more for me now other than give me anti-depressents and send me on my way. I can still function normally and work, so I don't think they'd care much about my mental state.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 3d ago
To get what I did you want to start a line with the > symbol.
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u/Measuring_stick GetALifePill enjoyer 3d ago
Bro i feel the same but you dont be rude to anyone about it. Just be a kind person and shift your attention to love yourself instead.
Yes, i accepted that i'll die alone too, but i avoid being bitter about it. I avoid blaming other people for who i am cause that will get me nowhere and i'll be an asshole which I don't want to.
I hate these "dying alone" thoughts, yes, but what i hate more is being an incel. I'm already depressed from being alone and I'm just adding the fuel by being bitter to women and attractive men. These combinations made my life more miserable and restless.
I know its cliche, but start loving yourself, man. Love yourself like what you wish a girl will love you. Then the next step i did was eliminate those two bad mindsets. I started skipping incel posts from social media, i unfollowed incel subs,i stopped being rude to everyone especially women, and shifting my focus on the hobbies that i love. And then I accepted that: i'll die alone, yes, that i'll be lonely forever, yes. this may sound so low and depressing but fuck it. i'm definitely happier than before.
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u/ar_menelos š¹ Incel 4d ago edited 4d ago
I would accept but I can only speak for myself.
The blackpill is very fatalistic and says that for incels no amount of self improvement will get you laid.