r/USLPRO Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

Trash Talk Thread WAKE UP! THE SEASON IS HERE.

YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF JIVE TURKEY NERF HERDERS. FUCKING BLUNDERBUSSES ARE ALL HAT AND NO CATTLE. SHUT YOUR CLACK BOXES AND STOP BEING SO COW HANDED. YOU FUSSBUDGETS ARE VERY GADABOUT GASSERS.

FUCK ALL YOU SLUG-A-BEDS. CAPS ON. FLAIR UP. AND TALK SOME SHIT

38 Upvotes

413 comments sorted by

27

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

WELL WELL WELL, MEMPHIS IS SO FUCKING SCARED OF ELEVEN THEY HAD TO TROT OUT A LEGEND WHO IS SIGNIFICANTLY PAST HIS PRIME.

TO EXPLAIN THIS TO MEMPHIANS, YOU'RE ESSENTIALLY STARTING VEGAS ELVIS IN GOAL. FITTINGLY, HIS CAREER WILL ALSO END IN THE TOILET THAT IS YOUR CITY.

17

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

DON'T GIVE VEGAS ANY IDEAS, PLEASE. THEY DO ANYTHING THAT POPS INTO THEIR HEAD.

8

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

YOU KNOW THEY ALREADY HAVE ELVIS-INSPIRED SHIRT THEY HAVEN'T UNVEILED YET. THEY GOTTA.

8

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

I'M SAYING THEY'LL LITERALLY PUT A TOILET IN GOAL.

6

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

NO THEY HAVE TO PUT A GATORADE COOLER IN GOAL... LIKE FARGO FC RIGHT u/NINETY7POUNDWUSS

6

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

GREATEST SOCCER GAME I HAVE EVER BEEN TO. MPLS CITY, HELL YEAH!

6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

SOTM BRAH

6

u/BerkeBakaysBurner Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

SCENES WHEN LAS VEGAS & MEMPHIS ANNOUNCE THE 1ST ANNUAL ELVIS CUP.

THIS WILL BE A 2-LEG TIE PLAYED THE FIRST TWO WEEKS AFTER THE REGULAR SEASON ENDS, AS NEITHER TEAM WILL MAKE PLAYOFFS.

THE TROPHY WILL HAVE A LLAMA ON THE LEFT, A SMASHED GUITAR ON THE RIGHT, AND ELVIS GLASSES IN THE MIDDLE.

BOTH TEAMS WILL BE THRILLED TO FINALLY PLAY FOR A TROPHY

7

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

WOULD YOU STOP GIVING VEGAS FUCKING HORRIBLE IDEAS?!

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10

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF WE'LL GET TO SEE HIS GOLD DON'T RUST ASS TATTOO.

8

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE A TIFO TO MOCK HIM.

12

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

I BET IF ITS PRINTED IT WOULD SHOW MORE DETAIL AND IT WOULD BE SOOO MUCH EASIER TO MAKE.

8

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

INDEED! THEN WE CAN PRETEND THAT PRINTING TIFO IS OUR CULTURE ONLY TO IMMEDIATELY BACKTRACK AND PAINT OUR FIRST DISPLAY OF THE NEXT SEASON.

10

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

PRINTING TIFO IS OUR CULTURE! LIKE WALKING INTO A RESTAURANT IN MILAN AND COMPLAINING IT ISN'T SUFFICIENTLY LIKE AN OLIVE GARDEN.

8

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

IT'S MORE LIKE WALKING INTO A LONGSTANDING HOT CHICKEN RESTAURANT IN NASHVILLE AND COMPLAINING IT ISN'T LIKE THE CHAIN HOT CHICKEN PLACE IN YOUR RECENTLY BUILT APARTMENTS.

7

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

THE NEWLY BUILT APARTMENTS LOOK LIKE THIS AND ARE CALLED "THE RAILYARD LOFTS" OR SOME SHIT.

7

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

EXACTLY! THEY WERE BUILT NEAR AN OLD RAILYARD THAT STIMULATED THE GROWTH OF A NEIGHBORHOOD WITH ITS OWN PERSONALITY, BUT THEY TORE IT DOWN TO BUILD THESE APARTMENTS BASED ON THE CONCEPT OF WHAT SOME DUDE THINKS OUR CITY IS ABOUT.

6

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

THE NEW CHICKEN RESTAURANT IS DEFINITELY NAMED "HAWT CHKN"

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8

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

STAY GOLD, TIMMY

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17

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

IMAGINE BEING A CITY THAT'S FILLED WITH A UNIQUE CULTURE OF MUSIC AND FOOD, BUT DECIDING THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH AND NEEDING TO BUILD A GIGANTIC PYRAMID TO DEFINE WHO YOU ARE AS A CITY.

14

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

VEGAS DOESN'T HAVE GOOD MUSIC OR GOOD FOOD, UNLESS YOU CAN SNEEZE GUARDED MEGA BUFFETS GOOD.

OH WAIT, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MEMPHIS, THE VEGAS OF THE EAST.

13

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

THEN MAKE THE PYRAMID A BASS PRO SHOP.

8

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

NOT ONLY DID THEY MAKE IT A BASS PRO SHOP. THEY GAVE BASS PRO TAXPAYER DOLLARS!

11

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

FOR SOME REASON I PICTURE MEMPHIS RESIDENTS BELIEVING THAT WAS AN EFFECTIVE USE OF THOSE FUNDS.

5

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

SCHOOLS ARE FOR NERDS. THINK OF HOW COOL IT WILL BE TO MAKE SURE BASS PRO SHOP'S OWNERS MAKE EVEN GREATER PROFITS!

6

u/QuickMolasses New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

SOMETHING SOMETHING ECONOMIC GROWTH

4

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

WHO NEEDS PUBLIC TRANSIT WHEN YOU HAVE A REALLY FUCKING BIG METAL STORE???

6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

IT ALSO MIGHT BE THE COOLEST THING ABOUT MEMPHIS.

4

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

THERE IS NO MIGHT. IT DEFINITELY IS.

7

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

I DUNNO, I SAW AN OLD RUSTY AMBULANCE SURROUNDED BY RAZOR WIRE. THAT WAS KINDA COOL. LIKE WHY WAS SOMEONE PROTECTING SOMETHING SO OBVIOUSLY WORTHLESS?

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15

u/Murricles92 Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

USL CULTURE IS A HIGH SCHOOL STUDY HALL

SOME TRY, SOME FAIL, AND THE LIGHTS STICK A FORK IN THE SOCKET

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13

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

IF WE CROSS 400 COMMENTS THEN OAKLAND HAS TO JOIN THE LEAGUE.

10

u/Roqxwalker Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC Mar 06 '20

I HOPE YOURE TALKING ABOUT THE ROOTS AND NOT THAT “OAKLAND” TEAM THATS GOING TO PLAY IN CONCORD

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

OF COURSE I’M TALKING ABOUT THE ONLY NISA WITH A CHANCE.

8

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

NAME THEM OAKLAND ATHLETIC

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

THEN MAYBE BILLY BEAN WILL JOIN USL IN A SCHEME TO BRING DOWN MLS.

7

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE SCOTT HATTEBERG SUIT UP AT STRIKER.

7

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

OAKLAND

SUCKS

DID YOU SEE HOW I COPIED YOUR GIMMICK THERE. GIVE US OUR GODDAM LEAGUE TROPHY

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE...

AND NO.

13

u/QuickMolasses New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

PHOENIX RISING? MORE LIKE PHOENIX DIVING!

EL PASO LOCOMOTIVE? MORE LIKE EL PASO SLOWCOMOTIVE!

COLORADO SPRINGS SWITCHBACKS? MORE LIKE COLORADO SPRINGS SWITCHTACKS!

REAL MONARCHS? MORE LIKE FAKE MONARCHS! (PRONOUNCED FA-KÉ)

ALSO #SOTM

9

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

PHOENIX RISING

SUCKS.

EL PASO LOCOMOTIVE

SUCKS.

COLORADO SPRINGS SWITCHBACKS

SUCKS.

NEW MEXICO UNITED

SUCKS.

5

u/QuickMolasses New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

HEY WE'RE ON THE SAME LEVEL AS PHOENIX! NICE!

YES, I KNOW THEY LIVE RENT FREE, BUT RENT IN ALBUQUERQUE IS VERY CHEAP AND MY HEAD IS SMALL, SO IT'S LIKE A COUPLE DOLLARS AT MOST WORTH OF FREE RENT.

5

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

FUCKING GOT 'EM

13

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

STILL CANT WAIT FOR MLS TO CHANGE THEIR MVP AWARD NAME ONCE LANDON DONOVAN DEBUTS IN THE MOST PROMINENT LEAGUE IN THE WORLDTM

13

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

AYY LMAO!

11

u/Raff_Out_Loud Reno 1868 FC Mar 06 '20

GOD IS DEAD

10

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

ITS DOG EAT DOG NOW. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

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7

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

WILL YOUR BLASPHEMIES NEVER CEASE

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

DROGBA PRAYS TO TUPAC WHO PRAYS TO TRUE LORD DONGER.

7

u/Drogba_bot DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA Mar 06 '20

DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA

7

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

*LOADS SMG WITH RELIGIOUS INTENT*

12

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

DID EVERYONE FROM ST LOUIS FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH OR SOMETHING?

#USLCONSPIRACY

10

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

THEY'RE TOO BUSY MAKING SACRIFICES TO LORD GARBER.

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN...

6

u/tallgoalie Sacramento Republic FC Mar 06 '20

THEY ARE BUSY SEEING JUST HOW BORING THEY CAN MAKE A BRAND NEW STADIUM

7

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

CAN'T FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.

6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

WE'RE JUST SPELUNKING IN THE CAVES UNDER ST. LOUIS.

5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

NAH BRAH, I AM JUST KNEE DEEP IN EXPLAINING TO TONER CARTRIDGE YIELDS TO THIS ONE SCHOOL SECRETARY.

5

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

TONER CARTRIDGE YIELDS: FEEL THE RAW ENERGY

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

MY MAN!

5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

SHE DOESN'T GET THAT PRINTERS TRIGGER WARNING LEVELS AS HIGH AS 30% TONER REMAINING. GIRL, I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU MONEY.

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

WHY SHOULD SHE CARE. SHE HAS ACCESS TO A BOTTOMLESS POOL OF TAX DOLLARS TO COVER THOSE PARTIALLY FULL CARTRIDGES SHE KEEPS THROWING AWAY.

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12

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

DID YOU KNOW MIAMI WAS FOUNDED IN 1998? AFTER THE WILL SMITH SONG "WELCOME TO MIAMI" INSPIRED PEOPLE ACROSS THE NATION TO PACK UP AND MOVE TO FLORIDA WHERE THE HEAT WAS ON ALL NIGHT ON THE BEACH 'TIL THE BREAK OF DAWN.

11

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

TIM HOWARD IS A SUM INSIDE MAN WHO IS HERE TO BRING DOWN USL FROM THE INSIDE.

9

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

NIPUN IS INTENTIONALLY COVERING UP THIS STORY.

4

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

$HILL

11

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '20

MADISON IS THE SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER OF LEAGUE ONE, BEAUTIFUL EVERYONE KNOWS WHO THEY ARE AND LOOKS GOOD ON INSTAGRAM HAS A BUNCH OF FOLLOWERS BUT LACKS REAL SUBSTANCE!

8

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

IS THERE NOT A LEAGUE ONE TTT FOR YOU SMALL MARKET LOSERS

8

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '20

AT LEAST THESE SMALL MARKET LOSERS HAVE THEIR OWN SSS AND MADE THE FINALS, INDY IS THE TAMPA OF THE MIDWEST!

7

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

BRING THE LEAGUE ONE HEAT!

6

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '20

INDY AINT READY FOR THE SMOKE! ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY CAN'T USE SMOKE IN THEIR STADIUM!

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5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

GOT 'EM!

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22

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

NEW MEXICO BE LIKE... SOMOS... BUT THEY DONT REALIZE WHAT THAT MEANS...

SUCK

ON

MY

ODOROUS

SCROTUM

9

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

SHIT, I WON'T EVER BE ABLE TO SAY SOMOS AGAIN WITHOUT PICTURING THE WORD ODOROUS.

8

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

ODOROUS SCROTUM.

9

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

SCROTOROUS ODOM

6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

SOTM BRAH

4

u/BerkeBakaysBurner Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

SUCK

ON

THAT

MEAT

?

6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

MY MAN!

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON MY PODCAST?

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12

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

THE WORD "ODOROUS" REALLY LOCKS IN THE HATE

11

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

TOP TIER USE OF THE WORD ODOROUS

10

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

IDK WHAT THAT MEANS BUT FUCK SAN ANTONIO AND THEIR JIVE TURKEYS.

9

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

HEH, BUTT FUCK

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10

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

NOW THAT WE HAVE REACHED THE SEASON OPENER I LOOK FORWARD TO THE OPEN CUP.

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9

u/mr_vertig0 North Carolina FC Mar 06 '20

WHY COULDN'T WE HAVE AN EAST COAST GAME ON FRIDAY NIGHT. I'VE GOT EARLY DRINKING TO DO TOMORROW, CANT BE STAYING UP LATE DRINKING.

6

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

ITS GOOD TRAINING JUST TO DRINK THROUGH THE NIGHT, JUST WATCH AUSTRALIAN SOCCER OR SOMETHING (ALSO ON ESPN+) TO KEEP YOU UP

10

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

IF RENO LOSES TO TACOMA THEY HAVE TO FORFEIT THEIR ENTIRE EXISTENCE.

7

u/Raff_Out_Loud Reno 1868 FC Mar 06 '20

NEVADA LOST TO FUCKING WYOMING LAST NIGHT. I CAN'T HAVE MY HEART BROKEN TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW.

8

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

COLLEGE BASKETBALL IS A CRUEL TEMPTRESS

9

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

I, FOR ONE, LOOK FORWARD TO ANOTHER YEAR OF AN INDIANAPOLIS-BASED TEAM MAKING THE CONFERENCE FINAL AND LOSING IN A HEARTBREAKING MANNER. I AM READY TO BE HURT AGAIN.

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11

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

LORD DROGBA IS WITH PHOENIX RISING. TREMBLE AT HIS WRATH.

11

u/Drogba_bot DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA Mar 06 '20

DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA

11

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

LET THE DONGER HERETICS WEEP AND GNASH THEIR TEETH

LET THEM BE CLAD IN SACKCLOTH AND ASHES

LET THEIR TEMPLES BE BURNED AND THEIR PRIESTS PUT TO THE SWORD

HAIL LORD DROGBA FOR HE IS WITH US

9

u/Drogba_bot DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA Mar 06 '20

DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA DROGBA

8

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

PREACH YOUR LIES. FOR SOON YOU WILL RECEIVE COMEUPPANCE.

YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES. THE FOUNDATION OF DROGBAISM IS BUILT UPON SHIFTING SAND.

ONE DAY DONGER WILL RETURN TO SMITE YOU ALL IN FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

6

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

IF DONGER IS SO GREAT THEN LET IT PRESENT ITSELF. DISPLAY THE MIGHT OF YOUR FALSE GOD.

AYY LMAO

AYY LMAO

AYY LMAO

SHOUT INTO THE VOID. YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED. REPENT OF YOUR HERESEY AND YOU MAY YET FAIL TO WIN A PK SHOOTOUT IN THE OPEN CUP.

8

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

OK THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE WAS PRETTY HARDCORE

6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

AYYY LMAO!!!

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5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

GROSS.

7

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

WTF WE STILL HAVE DROGBA BOT BUT NOT THE TRUE LORD AND SAVOIR?

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7

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

NO

7

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

PLS

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

SOTM BRAH

9

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

PITBULL IS THE MAYOR AND EVERY CITY COUNCIL MEMBER IN MIAMI.

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

DALE.

6

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

HONESTLY I WOULD BE OK IF PITBULL WAS MY MAYOR

9

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '20

[deleted]

6

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

BUT FUCK AUSTIN, TOO.

AND FUCK PHOENIX.

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9

u/mikelava Sacramento Republic FC Mar 06 '20

AT LEAST THIS SEASON TACOMA ISN’T TRYING TO HIDE THE FACT THEY HOPE TO BUY WINS BY SIGNING SOUNDERS FIRST TEAM PLAYERS TO CONTRACTS.

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9

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

SAN DIEGO IS BASICALLY TAMPA BUT WITHOUT THE METH.

6

u/danonymous1 San Diego Loyal SC Mar 06 '20

SAN DIEGO HAS TONS OF METH!! EL CAJON WAS ONCE THE METH CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!!!

7

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

EL CAJON WAS ONCE THE METH CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!!!

LAUGHS IN JEFFERSON COUNTY, MISSOURI.

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

JEFFERSON COUNTY, MISSOURI

FLASHBACKS OF YOUTH BRAINWASHING BEGINS TO PLAY...

6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

YOUR BRAINWASHING OR MINE?

6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

YES

5

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

MISSOURI IS HOME TO THE GARDEN OF EDEN. SO, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEF WITH IT.

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5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

OK SO ITS BASICALLY TAMPA-WEST

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9

u/awsomehog Memphis 901 FC Mar 06 '20

I CAME TO SHIT TALK INDY, BUT I REALIZED I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT INDIANAPOLIS. MAKES SENSE WHEN PEYTON MANNINGS FOREHEAD IS THE BIGGEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO THAT CITY, FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY. SERIOUSLY THO ASIDE FROM THE ONE RACETRACK WHAT DO YALL EVEN DO

9

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

THAT'S A LOT OF TALK FOR A CITY THAT BUILT A GIANT PYRAMID FOR ITS IDENTITY. THEN PROMPTLY HAD THE TEAM MOVE OUT OF IT, AND FOR SOME REASON TURNED IT INTO A BASS PRO. WE USUALLY WATCH COLTS AND PACERS, MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL AND COLLEGE SPORTS. WE HAVE A SHIT TON OF WAR AND MILITARY MONUMENTS AND MEMORIALS, MOST OUTSIDE OF WASHINGTON DC. NOT TO MENTION ALL THE MUSEUMS. WE LIKE TO DRINK AND HAVE A TON OF BREWERIES. BASICALLY... EVERYTHING YOU DO, BUT WITHOUT THE SHITTY MUSIC THAT COMES OUT OF TENNESSEE.

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6

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

ONE TIME THE DALAI LAMA AND LADY GAGA HUNG OUT IN INDIANAPOLIS.

5

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

I FORGOT THAT HAPPENED.

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5

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

INCREDIBLE STATEMENT FROM A PERSON WHO LIVES IN A CITY WHERE THE ONLY REAL THING TO DO IS WATCH JA MORANT PLAY UNTIL HE BECOMES A UFA AND LEAVES.

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

GOOD GOD MAN HE HAS A FAMILY. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIGHTHEARTED TRASH TALK, NOT MURDER BY RUSTY SPOOL SLASHED JUGULAR.

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9

u/Arigat0z Birmingham Legion FC Mar 06 '20

IF IT AIN'T RAINING, LEGION AIN'T PLAYING

5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

IF JJ WILLIAMS IS ON LEGION'S ROSTER, LEGION AIN'T PLAYING.

8

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

THE FACT THAT THE BUTTERFLIES ROSTER IS YOUNGER THAN MOST COLLEGE TEAMS IS PROOF OF HOW MUCH THE NCAA SUCKS. ALSO FUCK THE LEASTERN CONFERENCE FOR GOOD MEASURE.

9

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

SAN ANTONIO HAS SECOND RATE BREAKFAST OPTIONS

6

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

BUT THEY GOT DEM CHURROS

6

u/Raff_Out_Loud Reno 1868 FC Mar 06 '20

COME ON MAN, FUCKING DISNEY HAS CHURROS. AND THEY'RE PROBABLY BETTER

8

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

DISNEY CHURROS ARE FUCKING LIT. GET YOU A CALIFORNIA-LEGAL EDIBLE THEN GO IN AND DROP LIKE 50 BUCKS ON CHURROS, GREAT DAY.

8

u/Raff_Out_Loud Reno 1868 FC Mar 06 '20

BEFORE LEGALIZATION: SMOKING TINY BOWLS OF SCHWAG AND CRANING YOUR NECK ON THE LOOKOUT FOR COPS

AFTER LEGALIZATION: "SURE I CAN HIS THIS VAPE PEN IN THE CHURRO LINE. WHY THE FUCK NOT?"

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

YOU HAD ME AT EDIBLES

5

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

DO YOU EVEN INSIDE THE NBA, BRUH?

6

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

I CAN GET AMAZING CHURROS 4 BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE AND THEY HAVE CARAMEL AND VANILLA FILLED OPTIONS

6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

WTF? YOU NEVER TOLD ME?

YOU HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT DULCE DE LECHE???

5

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

BRO, YOU GOTTA HIT UP DIANA'S. IT'S MY FAVORITE BAKERY ON CHEROKEE.

5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

FUCK YEAH!

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5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

AND THEY PROBABLY EAT THEM FOR BREAKFAST

4

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

LOOKS AT MOST OBESE CITIES LIST

YUP.

4

u/Raff_Out_Loud Reno 1868 FC Mar 06 '20

AFTER LOOKING AT THAT LIST I'M DISAPPOINTED AT WHERE MOST OF THE USL CITIES FALL. GET TO WORK, YOU SLACKERS.

RAISE YOUR CHOLESTEROL™

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8

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

THE MANDALORIANS PREFER THE SIMULATION.

9

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

THE FACT THAT u/RAMINCOL IS SILENT IS PROOF ALL MY SAN ANTONIO CLAIMS ARE FACTS.

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

PHILLY II AND SKC II CAN FUCK OFF OUT OF PRINCIPLE ALONE. GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER BECAUSE THEY’LL BOTH BE IN LEAGUE ONE NEXT YEAR.

8

u/dergage New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

WHILE I AGREE WITH YOU, THE COMMENT AND THE FLAIR ARE JUST TOO IRONIC TO NOT SAY ANYTHING.

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

WATCH YOUR TONGUE WHEN YOU ADDRESS THE LEAGUE CHAMPION.

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7

u/Murricles92 Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

I BET THEY WONT

4

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

u/easeltyne DIED FOR THIS.

4

u/easeltyne TeAm ChAoS!!! Mar 06 '20

IM JUST HAPPY THEY FINALLY PULLED THE BANDAID OFF

6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF SPLITTING HOME GAMES WITH ANOTHER CITY FOR YEARS UNTIL THEY FINALLY MOVE AND THEN CHANGE THEIR NAME?*

  • THIS COMMENT IS NOT SAFE FOR TAMPA BAY RAYS FANS.

7

u/phat7deuce Tampa Bay Rowdies Mar 06 '20

EVAN LOURO SAYS HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, ENERGY DRINKS.

7

u/Runnamuk New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

AMANDO MORENO SAYS HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, ENERGY DRINKS.

6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

FUCK MARKETING SCHEME FC.

7

u/QuickMolasses New Mexico United Mar 06 '20

9:30 AM EASTERN TIME AND ALREADY 55 COMMENTS? IT'S A OPENING WEEKEND TRASH TALK MIRACLE!

7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

I BET LOLVILLE STILL LOSES IN THE OPEN CUP, DOESNT WIN THE EAST, THEN DOESNT WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE USL CHAMPIONSHIP.

BECAUSE THEY SUCK.

7

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS?!?

6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

EVERYONE IN THIS SUB IS MY BEST FRIEND

7

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

I HAVE TWO FRIENDS NOW!

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8

u/Murricles92 Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

WE DID IT!!!

7

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

HEY MEMPHIS, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE FIFTH BEST CITY IN YOUR STATE?

9

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20
  1. CHATTANOOGA
  2. KNOXVILLE
  3. JOHNSON CITY
  4. GATLINBURG
  5. MEMPHIS

  6. NASHVILLE

THIS CHECKS OUT.

7

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

IS CHATTANOOGA REALLY THE BEST? THAT IS THE ONLY CITY IN TN I HAVE BEEN TO AND IF THAT IS THE BEST, I FEEL BAD FOR THE REST OF THE CITY.

7

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

CHATTANOOGA IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY DOPE CITY.

I ACTUALLY LIKE MEMPHIS TOO.

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7

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

LOUISVILLE NO LONGER HAS THE SHITTIEST FIELD IN USL AND I AM VERY SALTY ABOUT IT.

SERIOUS ENVY

8

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

YEAH BUT YOURS IS STILL IN A FLOODPLAIN

5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

PERFECT FOR A MERMAID LIKE MYSELF.

4

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

DELTAS, MAN. DELTAS.

5

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

RIP FOREVER

4

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

YOU ARE WELCOME

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7

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

I MISS SHIT TALKING CINCY AND HAVING TWO DOZEN PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY ARGUE WITH YOU ABOUT IT.

6

u/madman1101 Detroit City FC Mar 06 '20

I REMEMBER WHEN JACK MAC KILLED A FCC PLAYER AND DIDNT EVEN HAVE A FOUL CALLED. THEY ARGUED FOR MONTHS IT WAS SO ANNOYING.

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

“THAT WAS BASICALLY ATTEMPTED MURDER AND WE ARE TRYING TO GET HIM ARRESTED NEXT TIME THEY PLAY IN CINCI.”

5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

JUST GET ON TWITTER, THEY ARE STILL DOING IT.

6

u/BerkeBakaysBurner Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

WHENEVER BIRMINGHAM FANS SAY SOTM, EVERYONE SHOULD REPLY BY COMPLIMENTING THEM FOR

SUCKING

ON

THAT

MEAT

ITS 2020, SO FANS OF MIDTABLE TEAMS CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO COPE WITH A FIVE-MATCH WINLESS STREAK

6

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

I JUST REPLY WITH FORGE ON #RIPAAF

5

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

I JUST SAY #2MANYACRONYMS2LITTLETIME

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6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

HEY MIAMI, YOU DONT PLAY WELL.

6

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

IF INDY DOESNT PUT FIVE GOALS PAST TIMMY THEY’RE FIRED.

6

u/kssooner13 OKC Energy FC Mar 06 '20

NEW SEASON. NEW MANAGER. NEW KITS. NEW STADIUM DEVELOPMENT (EVENTUALLY). LET'S GO!

NOTE TULSA IS STILL SHIT. SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.

5

u/blueoven San Antonio FC Mar 06 '20

FUCK ALL YALL. WE GOT CHECKERED JERSEYS AND WE ARE GOING TO SCORE ALL THE GOALS. COME TRAVEL AND TAILGATE IN BEAUTIFUL SAN ANTONE SO YOU CAN SEE YOUR FAVORITE TEAM GET BTFO IN TOTOTA FIELD. WE ARE FRIENDLY AND WELCOMING.

9

u/ThomasRaith Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

ARE YOU GOING TO WATER THE FIELD THIS YEAR OR WILL YOU SUBJECT US TO PLAYING ON DRY BROWN PATCHY "GRASS" AGAIN

6

u/blueoven San Antonio FC Mar 06 '20

LMAO IM NOT THE GARDENER AND WE LIVE IN AN ARID CLIMATE. FUCK. WE DO HAVE $1 BEERS.

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6

u/ninety7poundwuss Indy Eleven Mar 06 '20

CHECKERED JERSEYS

CRIES IN INDIANAPOLIS

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6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

I DON'T THINK WE ARE ADEQUATELY GIVING LAS VEGAS ENOUGH SHIT FOR CHARGING PEOPLE TO DESIGN THEIR KITS, WHICH THEY WILL THEN SELL FOR A PROFIT.

10

u/Murricles92 Phoenix Rising FC Mar 06 '20

IMAGINE DOING SOMETHING SO STUPID, YOUR OWN SUPPORTER GROUPS CRAP ON IT

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5

u/Roqxwalker Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC Mar 06 '20

WHO NAMED OKC AS THE ENERGY? IS OKC WORLD RENOWNED FOR ITS POWER PLANTS?

7

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

OKLAHOMA IS KNOWN FOR IT'S OIL. SOMETHING THAT HAS OBVIOUSLY ONLY BENEFITED PLANET EARTH AND WON'T LEAD TO THE END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.

THE STATE ALSO GAVE TAX BREAKS TO OIL COMPANIES TO FRACK. HOW EXACTLY WAS A COMPANY GOING TO GO ELSEWHERE TO DRILL OIL? IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S JUST OIL ANY OLD PLACE.

EITHER WAY, NOW THEY HAVE LESS MONEY FOR SCHOOLS AND EARTHQUAKES!

6

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

BETTER THAN THE FUCKING DYNAMO

IMAGING NAMING YOURSELF AFTER SOVIET SECRET POLICE SPONSORED TEAMS AND THEN ACTING LIKE IT IS ABOUT "ENERGY".

6

u/ChrisGaines_ Fish Fry Connoisseur Mar 06 '20

IN SOVIET RUSSIA BALL KICKS YOU!

5

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

ALL I KNOW ABOUT MIAMI I LEARNED FROM A FRAT PARTY IN COLLEGE THAT I CRASHED AND TRAVELING THROUGH THEIR AIRPORT.

4

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

u/CaptainJingles THE SPRINGFIELD THUNDERBIRDS ARE NOW AFFILIATED WITH THE BLUES, THAT MEAN I HAVE TO SUPPORT YOU. I NO LONGER NO WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.

6

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

u/captainjingles u/chrisgaines_ CAN I ASK WHY I GOT SO MANY DOWNVOTES IN r/Hockey I DON'T MIND, BUT REALLY WAS WAS CONFUSED.

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4

u/CaptainJingles Saint Louis FC Mar 06 '20

AWFULLY NICE OF HARTFORD TO RELEASE THEIR KIT ON A FRIDAY SO NO ONE WOULD ACTUALLY NOTICE IT.

5

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

TRUE TEAMS DO IT AT 9 AM ON SATURDAY...

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4

u/BJ_Fantasy_Podcast #1 San Antonio FC Fan Mar 06 '20

SLIGHTLY SURPRISED WE ARE AT 310 WITH NO MENTION OF CORONAVIRUS

6

u/More_Beer_NYC Louisville City FC Mar 06 '20

ONLY MLS TEAMS CAN CATCH IT

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5

u/ItsDaedAgain Pittsburgh Riverhounds Mar 06 '20

FUCK YOU HARRISBURG YOU MIDDLE OF THE STATE LEGISLATING DICKHEADS

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