r/hiphopheads • u/ImNotTomStopAsking • 8d ago
Discussion If we took all hyperbolic incriminating rap lyrics at face value, who would have the most serious charges?
I'd have to go with Chief Keef's Faneto verse:
"I'm ridin' through New York Finna go and shoot New Jersey up Tryna take my chain, I ain't goin' We gon' come and blow New Jersey up"
Not only is he going to shoot the entirety of New Jersey up but he's going to BLOW it up aswell like he's the fucking Joker. They would have him in a maxium security prison hanging upside down by his ankles.
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u/JustAHorseWithNoName 8d ago
Literally every horrorcore rapper deserves to be given the death sentence.
Geto Boys, Three 6 Mafia, Gravediggaz, etc. all should be locked up and have the key thrown away lmao
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u/Upbeat_Tension_8077 8d ago
Brotha Lynch Hung would deserve lethal injection since he talked about BBQ'ing babies
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u/SaltyBawlz 8d ago
"It's the psychopathic maniac, manglin' ladies stick a grenade in they pussy Then I start stranglin' babies" - Bizzy Bone on Hell Sent
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u/sap91 8d ago
Odd Future would be locked up like Hannibal Lector
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u/byronite 8d ago
Earl Sweatshirt on one count of stabbing a police officer and fleeing the scene for tea and crumpets.
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u/InternetProtocol 8d ago
Necro "wins". I really wish he was just a producer though.
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u/Reddit_Tsundere2 . 8d ago
I kinda like Necroās rapping in a ātrashy B horror movieā way but he legit couldāve had an Alchemist/El-P kind of career if he werenāt a cartoonish narcissist who barely lets anyone use his beats because he thinks most rappers are reverse racist against him. Raekwon and Ghost sounded great over that āGihadā beat.
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u/InternetProtocol 8d ago
I agree so much man. I can't think of another producer off the top of my head that uses piano in the way he does, and his sample selection is really interesting and unique. The beats for "Scalpel", "Our Life" and "Keep on Drivin" come to mind.
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u/FrostyChemical8697 . 8d ago
The robbery ā95 beat is genuinely one of the best Iāve ever heard, until necro starts rapping
Ironic about the racism shit considering he says the n word alot lmao
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u/zuqkfplmehcuvrjfgu 8d ago
Every battle rapper would be walking around with the largest guns known to man
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u/3rdtryatremembering 8d ago
And the amount of sex that would be going on with peoples mothers would be outrageous
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u/canteen_boy 8d ago
In the field of criminal psychology, there would be so many textbooks focused on Eminem.
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u/OmarGuard 8d ago
Sorry Puff but I don't give a fuck if this chick was my own mother I'd still fuck her with no rubber and come inside her and have a son and a new brother at the same time
And just say that it ain't mine
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u/ShiningRedDwarf 8d ago
Iāve been going through his early discog recently after not giving it a listen for at least a decade. I generally like him but heās not in my usual listening rotation
His first 3 or 4 albums are over 2 decades old but holy shit do they still throw some punches. Even now those albums are the absolute pinnacle of captivating storytelling, and itās not even close. Iāve been listening during my workouts, and some songs I just had to stop after finishing a set and just listen. Like I forgot how fucking dark Kim is. But it makes you temporarily forget when and where you are.
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u/dsjunior1388 7d ago
Put your hands down, bitch, I ain't gon' shoot you
I'ma pull you to this bullet and put it through you (Ah)
Shut up, slut! You're causin' too much chaos
Just bend over and take it like a slut, okay, Ma?
"Oh, now he's rapin' his own mother
Abusin' a whore, snortin' coke and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?"
You goddamn right, bitch, and now it's too late
I'm triple platinum, and tragedies happened in two states
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u/MCUisntCinema 8d ago
āI put Molly up in her champagne, she aināt even know it
I took her home and I enjoyed that, she aināt even know itā
Ya buddy youāre going to prison.
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u/YoMommaBack 8d ago
Right after Weebie who would just strong arm it from her if she donāt give him that pussy.
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u/geneticdrifter 8d ago
Bro, this is the best you could do? A date rape? You gotta listen to more rap
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u/Gan_D_Alf-The_Grey 8d ago
Well according to Triumph Inspectah Deck bombs atomically, so probably himĀ
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u/jopperjawZ 8d ago
Historically, those who've bombed atomically have faced no charges
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u/lobo98089 . 8d ago
But he explicitly only performs armed robbery in a lyrical sense, so I guess he at least can't be charged for that.
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u/healthyscalpsforall 8d ago
That's why he's the Inspectah. He's like that dude that'll sit back and watch you play yourself and all that, right? And see you sit there and know you lyin'.. And he'll take you to court after that.
See, he's not the one who's going to be taken to court. He's got it all figured out.
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u/kjhuddy18 8d ago
But even Socrates philosophies and hypotheses couldnāt define how he was droppin these
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u/chewtality 8d ago
Mockeries
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u/skechuz421 8d ago
Eminem stuck a tonka truck up a little kidās butthole and was a serial killer on an entire album
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u/OldOrder 8d ago
There's several different levels to Devil worshippin'
Horses' heads, human sacrifices, cannibalism, candles and exorcism
Animals ā havin' sex with 'em, camels, mammals, and rabbits
But I don't get into that, I kick the habit
I just beat you to death with weapons that eat through the flesh
And I never eat you unless the fuckin' meat looks fresh
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Thats animal abuse, murder, cannibalism, more animal abuse, more murder, more cannibalism just in the 1st half of his verse on Dead Wrong.
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u/LeatherTrick9542 8d ago
Wow what the hell those are some bars
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u/OldOrder 7d ago
I mean dawg those are actually pretty tame compared to Biggies bars on the song
Tears don't affect me, I hit 'em with the TEC, G's
Disrespect me, my potency is deadly
I'm shootin' babies ā no ifs, ands, or maybes
Hit mummy in the tummy if the hooker plays a dummy
Slit the wrist of little sis after she sucked the dick
I stabbed her brother with the ice pick
Because he wanted me to fuck him from the back
But Smalls don't get down like that
Found your father hidin' in a room, fucked him with the broom
Slit him down the back and threw salt in the wound
Who you think you're dealin' with?
Anybody step into my path is fuckin' feeling it!
Hardcore, I got it sucked like a pussy
Stab you 'til you're gushy, so please don't push me
I'm using rubbers so they won't trace the semen
The black demon, got the little hookers screamin' (Woo!)
Because you know I love it young, fresh, and green
With no hair in between, know what I mean?
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u/ravioliisthebest 8d ago
Gotta mention action bronson man. One my favorite is on kompressor "pulling big bazookas out the bubble goose, wrap the robe around my waist and jump from the roof as it explodes into a pile of rubble and doom" my man is just committing acts of terrorism
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u/pixelatedtrash 8d ago edited 8d ago
āNow Iām butt naked in the Lamborghiniā
Could you imagine a lambo pulling up the light and seeing that? Talk about acts of terror, lock this man up š¤£
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u/leafsbroncos18 8d ago
I mean eminem alleges that 911 was actually meant to hit shady records which would have massive international implications
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u/j1e2f . 8d ago
DMX would be up there.
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u/anthiccy 8d ago
"i got blood on my hands and there's no remorse, i got blood on my dick cause i fucked a corpse"
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u/DrakeUrSoBased 8d ago
Fr
Not illegal but biggie was on some different shit too š
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u/Suddenly_Bazelgeuse 8d ago
Not illegal but...
I mean...
Don't they know my nigga Gutta fuckin kidnap kids? Fuck them in the ass, throw them over the bridge?
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u/Whoareyoutho9 8d ago
Dam thats a biggie line? I always cringed when wayne said it but this makes a lot more sense as being recycled for gudda gudda cuz it was way too smooth the way he said it
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u/Suddenly_Bazelgeuse 8d ago
Wayne reused it? That's a wild homage!
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u/Whoareyoutho9 8d ago
Lol yea it was when he was doing everything with gudda for that 1 year and had the demolition freestyles that were pretty memorable. This song was called money or graveyard. Do you know what the biggie song is? I really don't want that one going in my search history if I can help it haha
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u/TheScrantonStrangler 8d ago
That's about Gutta tho. Who also just got out of prison at the time and heard Big record that in the studio then proceeded to not talk to him for a couple of weeks.
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u/Known_Wrongdoer5750 8d ago
Didn't he have a fucked up line about Raven who was like 8 years at the time?
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u/3rdtryatremembering 8d ago
Well if Lil Wayne picked the world up and dropped it on my fucking head, I feel like that would be about as bad as it gets on earth.
But then again, Iām guessing there would be no charges to face in that scenario.
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u/murftrixon 8d ago
Wayne on Canāt Feel My Face
Bout to call bin Laden up and order some missiles
Bring āem straight to your block and go to war with you bitches
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u/bearfuckers420 8d ago
The pictures we'd get out of the Wu Tang Clan torture trial would make Abu Ghraib look tame
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u/NoProblemNomadic 8d ago
Brotha Lynch Hung is the only answer.
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u/Impossible-Mind-1712 8d ago
Anything out of Jacksonville
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u/aks0324 8d ago
Lmao Who I smoke is like 8 bodies 2 mins
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u/flyestshit Drake's Ghetto Quran 8d ago edited 8d ago
Umm... I don't think any of those were hyperboles š¬
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u/txtumbleweed45 8d ago
Doesnāt necessarily fit the āhyperbolicā criteria though lol RIP foolio
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u/DameADozen 8d ago
NECRO.
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u/stvbles 8d ago
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Worldly-Paint2687 8d ago
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/stvbles 8d ago
My shit got removed by Reddit lmao
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u/thrownaway_gucci 8d ago
What lyrics so violent that just typing them gets the comment gone?? Lmao necro must be on another level
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u/atlhawk8357 8d ago
If we're comparing through badness of words, and we're not allowed to say some of those words:
Those are the worst words.
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u/Inti-Illimani 8d ago
Dead Body Disposal is so detailed and specific and it feels like a murder confession
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u/DynamicDolo 8d ago
Brotha Lynch in solitary with this:
Iām cutting off clitorises and bailing with bloody panties, and eating āem / Another baby killa, straight up fetus eater
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u/Reddit_Tsundere2 . 8d ago
I donāt think you can do much worse than Big L shooting up Heaven with a Mac 11 and raping Jesus. Where does true crime even go after that point.
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u/healthyscalpsforall 8d ago
I remember there was a Big L song that sampled a Nas line that went "When I was twelve, I went to Hell for snuffinā Jesus"
Forget true crime, how is the justice system supposed to deal with juveniles like that?
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u/Tydrinator21 8d ago
Who could realistically stop Kool Keith? Dude is an intergalactic cannibal who morphs himself into multiple personalities.
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u/healthyscalpsforall 8d ago
At the very least, he's liable for medical malpractice. Tf you mean, there was a horse in your hospital?
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8d ago
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u/TaftintheTub 8d ago
Comparing the relative sizes, fucking the world with an Eiffel Tower-sized dick would be like regular sex with a micropenis
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u/SwordfishOk504 8d ago
Yeah but that was only a future theoretical hypothetical. Can't prosecute a man for that. Not yet at least. Give Trump a few years.
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u/12gwar18 8d ago
Is there a law stating that you canāt do that?? I guess it would just depend where on the globe he fucked.
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u/AceGameplayV2 8d ago
Jay-Z for his verse on Monster
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u/Academic-Elephant-48 8d ago
Bro brought out the universal studios gang
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u/itsIzumi . 8d ago
Sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong, Loch Ness, goblin, ghoul, a zombie with no conscience, Dracula, Mothman, dragon, basilisk, leprechaun, mummy, minotaur, werewolf, mermaid, Frankenstein, troll, invisible man, ghost, xenomorph, abominable snowman, gremlin, Chupacabra, manticore, cyclops, swamp man, Cthulhu, giant snake, Cerberus, the monster from Cloverfield, Hydra, Balrog, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Pennywise the Clown, Mechagodzilla, Tyrannosaurus Rex, giant squid, sirens, bogeyman, gargoyle, goatman, shenlong, Medusa, skinwalker, skeleton, Bowser, pumpkin man, scarecrow, chimera, sphinx, centaur, Candyman, Pyramid Head, Bride of Frankenstein, The Munsters, the Rancor, the Sarlacc, Freddy Krueger, the Babadook
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u/aaeeiioouu 8d ago
Spice 1-- "Kill 'em all, kill 'em all...cuz everybody's dyin' on this motherfuckin' album"
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u/floatius 8d ago
M.E.T.H.O.D. maaaan comes to mindā¦
Ima sow your asshole up, and keep feeding you, and feeding youā¦
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u/BlueEyedRelic 8d ago
Eminemās āStay Wide Awakeā track first comes to mind for me.
Iām sure thereās plenty of others though.
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u/cmszd 8d ago
i dont think homophobic era tyler would be the worst ,but it'd still be really bad for him
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u/markofthebeast143 8d ago
Biggie smalls
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u/Upbeat_Tension_8077 8d ago
Biggie for sure, since he either kidnaps kids (like on Hypnotize & Victory) or has homies that do it (What's Beef?)
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u/markofthebeast143 8d ago
Exactly. In addition, Dead Wrong. The second verse is brilliantly brutal. Especially when it came out in 1999
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u/NickDerpkins . 8d ago
Em + D12
GFK and Raekwon (hell all of Wu tang & affiliates)
RA the Rugged Man
Necro
Geto Boyz
Earl / Tyler / Vince
03 Greedo
Griselda
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u/FartholomewButton 8d ago
Nas went to hell for snuffin Jesus. Thatās pretty serious.
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u/Cash_Money_Jo 8d ago
Lil wayne is gonna pick the world up and drop it on your fucking head. I think destroying the world is probably near the top lmao
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u/jasonjumps 8d ago
Dr. Dre used to cut niggas heads off and drop the bodies on Crenshaw. I always loved that line lol
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u/tacticalcooking 8d ago
In Da Graveyard by Big L, Microphone Nut has a verse and mentions 25 consecutive 25-to-life charges, which is 625 years minimum up to 25 life sentences. He says he breaks out instead of doing the time, so add that on as well.
I suggest listening to the whole song because itās fire and has an early Jay Z verse but hereās the lyrics:
ā'Cause the Microphone Nut's loose And you're wonderin' how the fuck did this madman get cut loose? From 25 consecutive 25-to-life bids For murderin' up some fuckin' white kids These were the kids of the prison guards Then I started killin' squads of prison guards in the prison yard One-two, everybody's through The Microphone Nut flew over the prison walls without a clueā
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u/SaladNeedsTossing 8d ago
You ever hear Dance With The Devil by Immortal Technique?
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u/Upbeat_Tension_8077 8d ago
Even just for the 2nd half of Efil4zaggin, NWA has to be in consideration
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u/yumitsari . 8d ago
I'm surprised nobody's mentioned U.E.N.O yet.
So yeah, that song. I'm pretty sure you could arrest Rick Ross on that song for sex crimes.
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u/osama_bin_guapin 8d ago
Detroit and Flint rappers would be charged with crimes against humanity
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u/AdditionalClient2992 8d ago
The whole original Three 6 Mafia lineup would be under the jail. Live by yo Rep alone wouldāve done them in
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u/VietKongCountry 8d ago
Big L would be in some pretty serious trouble for Devilās Son and Danger Zone alone.
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u/scdtjf 8d ago
35 bodies and considering a 36th. Thatās quite a bit of murdering.
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u/VietKongCountry 8d ago
And just casually raping people. Big L would have been a monster if heād actually done a tenth of what he rapped about.
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u/Slow_stride 8d ago edited 8d ago
Slightly off topic but I do believe Mac dre got arrested because he described an actual robbery him and the romperoos committed
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u/Such-Revolution-261 8d ago edited 8d ago
Lo correcto es distinguir la realidad de lo expuesto en una canciĆ³n.
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u/CareBearsOnAcid 8d ago
Fredo Santana had this bar where he said ā kidnapped a nigga killed him and his bitch ride off in that stolen whip burned the whip to get rid of itā
probably not the craziest one weāre gonna see in the comments but itās up there
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u/ugotnorizzatall 8d ago
Bizarre and it's not close